


The Sound of Silence

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7790635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Music is defined as vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) combined in such a way as to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion.<br/>The Sound of Silence takes place in a world where finding your sound is harder than you think, and sharing that sound with someone else is damn near impossible.</p><p> </p><p>An Aradia Megido/Jade Harley Homestuck Fanfiction written as a Musical. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. //Aradia//

**Author's Note:**

> A quick forward to you:  
> First: This book mentions sexual content however there are no sexually dedicated scenes except in the second chapter. (more on that later.) These scenes are only mentioned after they have happened, thus you never see the sex happen at any point.  
> Second: When someone sings it is indicated by their chumhandle abbreviation and italicized text.  
> Some italicized text is merely a flash back or though or just a word or phrase of importance. Hence you must look for the chumhandle, but more likely than not the character mentions the purpose of the italicized text. I will go ahead and say the very first part of chapter one is a flash back.  
> Third: I am human, and as a human I cannot guarantee frequent updates but I do try very hard. My German class online has just begun which cuts my writing time substantially. Never fear! It has not stopped me and will not anytime soon.  
> Fourth, and Finally: This story was inspired by the Grey's Anatomy Music Special : Song Beneath the Song.

[ **Breathe Me** : Sia, **Hold Me Down** : Halsey]

 

_“What do you remember?”_

_“I remember the hospital, the doctors; I remember a ringing in my ears.”_

_“Do you recall what happened?”_

_“I couldn’t catch my breath or something. I don’t know. It’s all a fuzzy blur now.”_

_“You didn’t have any vitals. You died. The ringing in your ears was the heart monitor as you flat lined. Your heart stopped.”_

_“I remember now.”_

_“You were declared dead for five minutes, and yet you show no emotion.”_

_“I don’t care. People die every day. What makes me any different?”_

_“You’re a miracle! You came back.”_

_“A miracle?”_

_“Are you not one? Was this not a miracle or an act of some God? Aren’t you happy to have been given a second chance?”_

_“No. I’m… dissatisfied with my life now. Nothing has any meaning. Everything I used to love makes me feel nothing. I can’t find joy in anything.”_

«ȺɃ»

 

                Shrill beeping pooled my senses driving me to bolt awake in a panic. My heart drummed in my chest against my ribcage and my hands curled into fists in my hair. I slowly eased my grip and swallowed, my mind finally coming to the conclusion that it was only my alarm going off, which I promptly stopped by throwing it into a wall, and not a heart monitor. I fell back into my bed and covered my face with my hands, slowing breathing in attempt to sooth my heart. When I finally relaxed my hands found their way to the red base of my curled ram horns, grazing over them slightly and following all the way from the orange middle section to the sharp yellow tips. I poked at them with my fingers for a moment before finally deciding to make an effort to get up.

                I sat idly on the edge of my bed, my feet dangling over the floor and grazing it barley with my toes. I let out a shuddery breath and rose from my bed, walking to look into a mirror over my bathroom sink.

 

_AA: “Help, I have done it again._

_I have been here so many times before.”_

 

                I pulled my eyes from the mirror and walked to the window in my bedroom that looked down upon the street in front of the old firehouse where I lived.

 

_AA: “Hurt myself again today._

_And the worst part is there’s no one else to blame.”_

                I turned my back to the window and leaned against it, my eyes closing sadly.

 

_AA: “Be my friend.”_

                I opened my eyes slightly and wrapped my hands around my torso, hugging myself gently.

 

_AA: “Hold me, wrap me up.”_

                My hands fell away from my body as I turned slightly, pressing my right temple against the glass and my breath fogging it with breathy clouds as I sang.

 

_AA: “Unfold me._

_I am small and needy.”_

                I slid down until I sat on the floor, my right side pressed against the wall and my arms wrapped themselves around my knees.

 

_AA: “Warm me up._

_And breathe me…”_

                I wiped my eyes and gazed around my room before making a decision to  get dressed and try to trudge through the already painfully long day. I rose from the floor and shuffled around my room rummaging through my drawers until I found a clean black bralette, a black and white gingham circle skirt, and a sheer red sweater that was too big on me and hung off my gaunt features. I pulled on a pair of supposedly clean thigh high black socks and some black leather ankle boots. I shrugged on my bag and dumped my phone, my headphones, my keys, and my journal into it before flipping it closed.

                I lugged my “Fundamentals of Music” textbook into my arms and began leaving. I clambered down the stairs and out the front door, locking the door before taking the walk to my workplace which doubled as _my place_. I stood on the sidewalk, my head turning either way before heading down the street with a dejected sigh.

 

_AA: “Ouch. I have lost myself again._

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found._

_Yeah, I think I might break._

_Lost myself again and feel unsafe.”_

 

                I entered the lobby of the nice hotel where I worked part time. I shuffled through the entrance flashing the receptionist and security my badge. I silently descended the stairs to the basement when I stopped in my tracks, gazing up at the light that casted through the window a few sets of stairs above me.

 

_AA: “Be my friend._

_Hold me, wrap me up.”_

 

                I pulled my gaze away and continued my slow trek down the stairs.

 

_AA: “Unfold me._

_I am small and needy.”_

 

                I walked down a hall lit by fluorescent lights until I reached the locker room where I changed into my uniform. I stripped down and pulled on the short sleeved white button up, the matching royal blue pencil skirt and vest, my black bow under my collar, and the stupid pantyhose that’s required to be worn by all the women working as housekeeping supervisors. I leaned against the wall as I put on my Mary Jane heels, cursing as I wobbled on one foot. When I finished I stood before a mirror turning each way to examine myself. I paused to pull my hair back into a professional bun, my eyes losing themselves in the reflection.

 

_AA: “Warm me up._

_And breathe me…”_

 

                I took an unsteady breath and turned away. I clipped my ID badge to my vest and exited the room, my pager going off. I took off into a run down the hall and to the closest dumbwaiter. I shoved myself inside and forced a smile at the person operating it before pulling the doors shut and knocking against the door twice. With a slight lurch I was lifted up quickly to the main floor. When it settled to a stop I parted the doors and slid out, dusting off my skirt and straightening my collar. I walked pointedly to the main elevators and pushed the button of my floor, letting the doors close and the confining metal box carry me to the floor I was requested on. I looked at my reflection and tilted my head slightly. I looked a little something like my older sister and my heart tugged in my chest. I looked down at my feet making myself forget I ever had that thought.

 

                Room 125, I was asked to wipe off lipstick stains across the mirror on the bathroom wall over the sink, all of them were different colors and sizes. A stamp that a group of friends were together having fun. My fingertips grazed at the stains before wiping them away.

 

_AA: “Be my friend.”_

                Room 221, I made a messy bed and put new pillow cases on the pillows. I cleaned the windows and left the drapes open so there could be sunlight in the room before collapsing on the bed and pulling a throw pillow into my arms.

 

_AA: “Hold me.”_

 

                Room 330, I packed up a woman’s clothes for dry cleaning before a big date. I held a few dresses up in front of a mirror to see what they look like, twirling in them halfheartedly..

 

_AA: “Wrap me up.”_

                Room 410,  I delivered a vase of beautiful and expensive flowers to a nice girl who was staying in her room alone, I could see her heart break as she took them from my hands. The envelope buried in the petals read “ _Condolences_.”

 

_AA: “Unfold me.”_

 

                Room 515, I led a lost kid back to his room when he got turned around in the stairwell. We stopped briefly at the kitchen to get him a treat before returning him to his frightened parents. They hugged me quite ecstatically for my “act of kindness.”

 

_AA: “I am small and needy.”_

 

                At the end of my shift I stood on the roof overlooking the city.  I climbed up on the ledge and sat down, dangling my feet over the street thousands of feet below me without fear.

 

_AA: “Warm me up._

_And breathe me.”_

                I inhaled the fresh air in silence enjoying the cloudy day until my phone began buzzing in the inside pocket of my vest. I fished it out and cursed at myself for leaving it on before picking it up because Dave was calling.

 

“I just finished my shift, why are you bothering me?” I asked sliding back onto the roof carefully.

 

“I can see you from down here. Listen, the hangout is closing early, you in?” He asked, I looked over the edge and smirked down at the street knowing Dave was trolling outside the hotel.

 

“You know I’m in.” I hung up and tucked my phone away before racing back down to the top floor and into the elevator.

 

                I bounced excitedly on my heels knowing I was heading to our hangout. When the doors opened I raced to the stairs and slide down the rails as fast as I could without getting hurt. I dashed into the changing room, kicking off my heels and trying to change as fast as trolly possible so I could make it to the hangout before it closed. I grabbed my bag and text book and raced back upstairs taking them two at a time before bursting from the revolving doors to meet Dave.

                We turned and took off down the street a fast was we could, pushing through crowds and taking short cuts through stores and down alleyways. Our feet slammed against the ground matching the sound out our racing hearts as we darted around the corner in front of the bookstore. We excitedly approached the door and opened it, jingling the bell inside. We walked through the store, squeezing between shelves and breathing heavily from our run. Plopping down at the table where the rest of our friends were sitting in the back of the book store, I opened my journal and “Fundamentals of Music” textbook and tried to sew together a song, but no ideas came. Rose Lalonde slid into the seat across from mine, her violin case placed on the table top next to her girlfriend Kanaya’s flute case. I waved halfheartedly before burying my nose back into my work.

                An hour passed before I tossed the cover of my book shut and slid it off the table in anger. I pressed my face into my hands and sighed heavily. The group had moved onto the floor tuning their instruments and practicing vocalizing and harmonies together between fits of laughter. I slide from my chair onto the carpet and flipped through my journal looking for a song to pick for tonight’s set. I felt a hand tap my shoulder and I looked up to see Feferi grinning down at me.

 

“Guess what?” She giggled.

 

I sighed heavily and closed my journal. “What, Feferi?”

 

She beamed brightly. “I have a duet tonight and I want you to do it with me!”

 

“Is this you asking me or telling me?” I asked.

 

She stammered for a moment, her face slowly turning hot pink. “JUST SING WITH ME!”

 

I looked up at her with fake surprise and I could hear everyone stop what they were doing to stare, listen, or both.

 

“You’re a bitch.” She said glaring at me.

 

I shrugged. “You caught me.”

 

She leaned down and grabbed my arm. “Do the duet with me or I will steal all your sets you filthy rust blood.” She hissed into my ear.

 

I forced a fake smile. “Of course, I’d be happy to duet with you.” _Lie._

 

                It was a big, fat, blatant _lie_. I didn’t agree to the duet because I wanted to, I had to. Music was the last thing I had after I died. I needed it and she dared to take that. This “filthy rust blood” is planning to show her up. I was going to teach that privileged pink blood a lesson.

 

“Wonderful! Now I’ve picked a song-“

 

“I’m picking the song.” I cut off Feferi. “I. Am. Picking. The. Song.” I glared at her as she turned her back and disappeared behind a bookshelf.

 

                When I turned back to the group they were all staring at me.

 

“What?” I asked scathingly.

 

                I opened my journal again and immersed myself into it in hopes everyone would forget this happened. After a few more minutes customers began to file out and it was only our mishmash of a group left sitting in the back of the book store. The owner of the store was our friend the Parcel Mistress. She was nice, usually quiet; she sported various pastel outfits that reminded me of Lolita fashion in a sense. Her short white hair was always neatly styled under a hat and she had smile lines forming around her eyes prematurely. I think, in my opinion, she is the mother figure our group looks towards. Parcel Mistress lifted her keys and jingled them for us signaling she was heading home. We all waved and exchanged wishes of safe travel before she walked and left us by ourselves.

                We gathered our instruments and headed towards the archway in the back of the store, the neon sign flickered on shining “Open” all the way to the windows in the front of the store. We clambered upstairs, clasping the velvet rope across the entry way and setting our gear down to set up for tonight’s set. A couple of us praised the Strider brothers on the progress of the record store. They bought the space upstairs for a music store and every night after closing we host a live jam session. I unpacked the mics and checked the soundboard for Dave. He glanced over my shoulder and adjusted the bass slightly so it was up higher before turning back to the wires he was plugging into the many speakers we had.

 

“You are starting tonight. You know that right?”

 

I stiffened. “It’s been a while...”

 

“Do you want me to cover for you?” He asked turning to me and leaning against the table.

 

“No. I can do it.” I hissed stepping back from the sound board. “You should check that though. Might be wrong since I’m not capable of anything.” I snapped turning away and blocking out Dave’s voice as he called after me.

 

                I looked out the window to see a line of people out onto the street waiting for us to open. I closed my eyes and whispered a silent string of curses. I straightened up and turned back to everyone with a smile spreading across my face.

 

“We got a full house tonight! Let’s get kicking! Dave, unleash the crowd!”

 

                I ran towards the stage and leapt up onto it, grabbing a mic from Dirk and turning it on. I ran a quick mic check getting quick thumbs up from Dave as the crowd began to file in, filling the space to capacity. I inhale a shaky breath and fastened my mic in the mic stand. This was it. My solo would kick off this night and god knows what would happen if I fucked it up. Little did I know that this solo would set off a domino effect in my life as well.

 

“Welcome everyone! We have a great show planned for you tonight!” Dave snuck into the sound booth and was speaking over another mic.” On the count of three I want to hear you say “Let’s go!” One… two… three!”

 

The crowd cheered “let’s go” and the lights rose on me. A warm amber wash flooded the stage and heated my skin ever so slightly. The track Dave collaborated and composed with me began to fill the room. I took a breath and grinned as I began to sing the song I worked so hard on.

 

_AA: “My demons are begging me to open up my mouth._

_I need them mechanically make the words come out._

_They fight me, vigorous and angry, watch them pounce._

_Ignite me, licking at the flames they bring about._

_I sold my soul to a three piece.”_

I put my hands together as if I was praying.

 

_AA: “And he told me I was holy.”_

I took my mic out of the stand and sunk to my knees.

 

_AA: “He’s got me down on both knees.”_

I slowly rose again, my head lifting in a defiant way.

_AA: “But it’s the devil that’s tryna_

_Hold me down, hold me down._

_Sneaking out the backdoor make no sound._

_Knock me out, knock me out._

_Saying that I want more, this is what I live for._

_Hold me down, hold me down._

_Throw me in the deep end watch me drown._

_Knock me out, knock me out._

_Saying that I want more this is what I live for.”_

 

I put the mic back on the stand and ran a hand through my hair.

 

_AA: “Selfish, taking what I want and call it mine._

_I’m helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine._

_They rush me, telling me I’m running out of time._

_They shush me, shhh, walking me across a fragile line.”_

My hand pressed against my heart before drawing away, my fingers forming the number three.

 

_AA: “I sold my soul to a three piece.”_

I spread my arms as if on a cross.

 

_AA: “And he told me I was holy.”_

I drew my arms back in and took the mic from the grasp of its stand before kneeling on the edge of the stage, reaching out to the crowd.

 

_AA: “He’s got me down on both knees._

_But it’s the devil that’s tryna...”_

I shot back up, standing tall and stalking across the stage with fire in my words.

 

_AA: “Hold me down, hold me down._

_Sneaking out the backdoor make no sound._

_Knock me out, knock me out._

_Saying that I want more, this is what I live for._

_Hold me down, hold me down._

_Throw me in the deep end watch me drown._

_Knock me out, knock me out._

_Saying that I want more this is what I live for.”_

I froze and looked up at the ceiling, as if there was something there the crowd couldn’t see.

 

_AA: “Hold me down now._

_Hold me down now._

_Hold me down.”_

I looked out across the crowd wistfully.

 

_AA: “I sold my soul to a three piece._

_And he told me I was holy._

_He’s got me down on both knees._

_But it’s the devil that’s tryna…”_

I jumped down into the crowd, the ocean of people parting for me as I walked to the center and belted out every note.

 

_AA: “Hold me down, hold me down._

_Sneaking out the backdoor make no sound._

_Knock me out, knock me out._

_Saying that I want more, this is what I live for._

_Hold me down, hold me down._

_Throw me in the deep end watch me drown._

_Knock me out, knock me out._

_Saying that I want more this is what I live for.”_

I raised my hands over my head and tossed my head back with a smile knowing I did well and the crowd’s energy was perfect. Everyone cheered as I walked back up to the stage and took a bow graciously. I could feel Feferi’s eyes on me from off stage left boring into my back but I didn’t bother to care. I fucking crushed it. I stepped off stage and began to prepare for my duet with Feferi. There was some anger bubbling in my chest as I handed my mic off to Rose and Kanaya as they took the stage together. I walked out into the crowd and to the back to get a drink, sipping at it bitterly.

Dave came up behind me and glanced at me with what I think was pity but with his glasses on I couldn’t really tell.

 

"Still pissed about the duet?" He asked.

 

“Save it Strider.” I hissed over the rim of my cup.

 

He shrugged. “Maybe you’ll get a miracle or some ironic shit like that.”

 

I scoffed. “Yeah right. Fuck that. Miracles only happen in movies.”

 

“Cliché movies.” He pointed out.

 

“Yeah? Then fuck that twice. I’m not about that fairytale bullshit.” I threw away my cup and began walking away.

 

“I need to get ready. Just don’t fuck this up for me Dave or I swear to god-“

 

He raised his hands in defeat. “I hear you loud and clear.”

 

                I nodded and disappeared into the dense crowd. I didn’t see, however, the girl with emerald green eyes and raven black hair with white dogs ears and a tail watching and listening from a distance. The cogs in her brain were turning with a dangerous plan. No. I didn’t see her at all.


	2. //Jade//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade, the girl who appeared out of nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one of the easier ones. This was the very first idea I had that really influenced me into writing this story. It stuck with me, and it is still one of my favorites as I continue to write this book for all of you. On another note, I got my packet in theatre today and signed up for my shows. No biggie. I have a couple cons coming up too so that's exciting and I have a few good chapters in this work planned for all of you.

[ **No Angels** : Bastille, **Crazy** : Gnarls Barkley (Melanie Martinez Cover)]

 

From my position on the dim street corner I could see a crowd lining up outside a quaint two story building. The windows on the second floor glowed with neon colors and I could see a figure looking down at the street before turning away and disappearing, the neon lights absorbing her in their auras. I ducked across the street and melted into the crowd, blending in with the ocean of warm bodies flooding into the doors and up the stairs in the back of what looked to be a small bookstore. I could feel the bass of the speakers rattling my heart and making a shiver of excitement go down my spine. When I reached the top floor I felt my phone buzz, and after taking it from my pocket it revealed a notification for an email on the cracked screen. My grip tightened on my phone before shoving it back into its hiding place, my teeth gritting with anxiety.

In the back of the room a blonde boy wearing sunglasses and a troll girl with rams horns sitting above her cloud of frizzy black ringlets were having a heated conversation. I could only catch parts of it from my spot in the sweaty crowd.

 

"Still pissed about the duet?" The boy spoke.

 

"Save it, Strider." The troll girl hissed.

 

There was something about miracles and the boy was left standing raising his hands in defeat as the gray skinned beauty ducked into the crowd and was gone. The boy turned and I felt his gaze lock on me. He waved me over quite coolly. As I approached he poured me a drink, a Shirley Temple I believe, and offered it to me. I sipped it guardedly as he spoke.

 

"Did you hear all of that?" He asked, folding his arms across his chest.

 

"Only parts." I admitted with a bit of shame slipping off my tongue, my white ears flattening against my head.

 

He chuckled. "Aradia hates Feferi since they broke up. Feferi couldn't see AA as anything other than the color of her blood. Let's just say it wasn't pretty."

 

I nodded. “I see." I thought for a moment. "I have an idea but-"

 

Dave waved his hands. "Whoa there, slow your roll cowgirl. Aradia hates it when people mess with her sets, especially when they aren't hers to begin with. You are treading over dangerous water here."

 

I shrugged, my tail waved behind me, lashing in the air. "Can't stop me. Besides, if you won't help me then don't get in my way."

 

I whirled around and forced myself through the packed crowd, shoving my way through until I found the area designated as backstage. I listened as Aradia argued with another girl.

 

"Smile! You're doing a duet with me!"

 

"Bite me, Feferi."

 

 _Bingo._ I peered around the curtain to see her mic in her hand. The number three was written on a piece of masking tape on the handle. I smirked and shimmied my way through the crowd again and to the sound booth. I glanced in to see a taller version of the blond boy working with his headphones on. I snuck in while his back was turned, muting Feferi's microphone and snagging another one for myself. I pressed the on button on the soundboard that represented my mic and scrambled out of the booth, hiding in the midst of the crowd. I fumbled with the mic, hiding it in my hands and making sure not to turn it on yet. I took a shaky breath, body bustling with nerves. My phone buzzed in my pocket again and I paused to pull it out, plugging my ear buds in and only putting one in so I could listen to the audio sent to me by my brothers therapist.

 

 _"Well, I run the office and tend the cabins and grounds and do errands for my mother. The ones she allows I might be capable of doing."_ My brother Jakes voice echoed in my ears as the track played on.

 

 _"And do you go out with friends?"_ His therapist asked.

 

 _"Well... a boy's best friend is his mother."_ I listened to the rest of the track before the lights rose on the stage.

 

I hid my phone away and stared attentively at the stage as a blonde girl with a violin followed by Aradia and Feferi took the stage. The blonde girl sat down, her black lipstick covered lips parting slightly as she began to play her violin beautifully. Aradia lifted her mic and glared at Feferi before beginning the song.

 

_AA:_ _“A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly and is also known as a buster._

_Always talkin’ about what he wants and just sits on his broke ass.”_

 

                I was truly mesmerized by the person preforming before me. Her voice was silky and sweet like honey but laid on thick. My heart drummed in my chest.

 

_AA:_ _“So, no, I don’t want your number._

_No, I don’t want to give you mine._

_No, I don’t want to meet you nowhere._

_No, I don’t want none of your time.”_

 

                My mouth hung open slightly and I was almost completely enthralled with what was unfolding here. However I pulled myself away from gawking any longer knowing it was almost time for my part.

 

_AA:_ _“No, I don’t want no scrubs._

_A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me._

_Hangin’ out the passenger side_

_Of his best friend’s ride_

_Trying to holler at me.”_

                My hands began to tremble and everything around me fell away so it felt like only me and Aradia were in this room together.

 

_AA:_ _“A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me._

_Hangin’ out the passenger side_

_Of his best friend’s ride_

_Trying to holler at me._

_Trying to holler at me._

_At me…”_

                I took a deep breath and turned my mic on with shaking fingers.

 

_GG: “But a scrubs checkin’ me and his game is kinda weak_

_And I know that he cannot approach me.”_

                The crowd parted to reveal me to Aradia, who looked utterly surprised, though it seemed there was a hint of thankfulness in her eyes as she gazed at me from the stage. I approached the stage slowly, Aradia stepping down from it to approach me as well, her eyes filled with dreamy interest. We met halfway between the stage and my spot where I was buried in the crowd. She was a little shorter than me but made up for it in her powerful voice as we sang face to face, a mere few inches between our bodies..

 

_GG: “Cause I’m looking like class and he’s looking like trash_

_Can’t get with no dead-beat ass_

_So...”_

                We so very close, Aradia looked at me with something I couldn’t depict and I looked at her in awe of her sheer talent, our mics raised as we continued the song, lost in each other’s voices.

 

_AA and GG: “No.”_

_AA: “I don’t want your number._

_No, I don’t want to give you mine._

_No, I don’t want to meet you nowhere._

_No, I don’t want none of your time.”_

_GG: “No, I don’t want no scrubs_

_A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me._

_Hangin’ out the passenger side_

_Of his best friend’s ride_

_Trying to holler at me.”_

                I felt my voice becoming less unstable and fuller of emotion and every ounce of me was poured into this, everything I could give was being put on the line as I sang my goddamn heart out.

 

_GG: “No, I don’t want no scrub_

_A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me._

_Hangin’ out the passenger side_

_Of his best friend’s ride_

_Trying to holler at me._

_Holler at me._

_Holler at me._

_Holler at me.”_

                Aradia stepped in for her part, her voice just as clear and strong.

 

_AA: “If you don’t have a car and you’re walking.”_

_GG: “Oh yes son, I’m talking to you.”_

_AA: “If you live at home with your momma.”_

                I felt my stomach twist as I thought about Jake and something he said in the audio sent to me.

 

_“We’re all in our private traps.”_

 

_AA: “if you have a shorty but you don’t show love.”_

I remembered the pain in his voice. _“Clamped in them and none of us can ever get out.”_

 

_AA: “Wanna get with me with no money._

_Oh no, I don’t want to.”_

_AA and GG: “No scrubs._

_No scrubs.”_

I recalled what his therapist said back, the way she sounded and the concern in her voice.

_“Sometimes we deliberately step into those traps.”_

_AA and GG: “No scrubs.”_

Jakes response made my heart hurt. _“I was born in mine; I don’t mind it anymore.”_

_AA and GG: “No scrubs.”_

_“Oh but you should, you should mind it.”_ There was a sense of being startled in the therapists voice.

 

_AA and GG: “No scrubs.”_

_“Oh I do, but I say I don’t.”_ The way Jake’s voice cracked as he began to cry made my heart ache and the pain was so prominent in his words I felt it in my own bones.

 

                Aradia and I began to circle around each other, our eyes locked on the other as we walked in a steady circle, the energy between us reminded me of a plasma globe.

 

AA and GG: “ _No, I don’t want no scrubs_

_A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me._

_Hangin’ out the passenger side_

_Of his best friend’s ride_

_Trying to holler at me.”_

_No, I don’t want no scrubs_

_A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me._

_Hangin’ out the passenger side_

_Of his best friend’s ride.”_

_GG: “Trying to holler at me._

_Trying to holler at me._

_Holler at me._

_Trying to holler at me…”_

                I lowered my mic, my eyes pulling away from Aradia and staring at my hands, embarrassment tinting my face as I realized what I had done. My ears flatted against my head as I glanced up at the troll mouthing “Sorry” to her. Aradia took me by the wrist and walked me on stage to bow with me, the crowd that was once cloaked in a stunned silence burst into cheers and ecstatic applause. My ears perked up and my tail began to wag quite excitedly as I accepted the praise and recognition. A relieved breath escaped my lips and I felt my body relax. It was all over now, the deed was done.

 

"What's your name?" Aradia asked.

 

"Jade, Jade English." I responded back less hesitantly than I should have.

 

"A big round of applause for Jade English everyone!" Aradia cheered and so did the crowd.

 

They chanted my name, begging for an encore and my mouth hung open  as if I had forgotten how to speak at all. I looked at Aradia who nodded in approval at the notion of a solo. I searched through my pockets for my flash drive, handing it off to Dave.

 

"How old are you, Jade?" Feferi asked, I had forgotten she was even here.

 

"Seventeen." I said.

 

"A high school student." Feferi sneered at me.

 

"Actually, I'm a freshman in college. I'm studying music and psychology." I responded matter-of-factly.

 

"Do you compose?" Aradia inquired.

 

"I write, compose, and do vocals for all my songs." I thought for a moment. "A jack of all trades but master of none." I said shrugging.

 

"What track?" Dave called, my head turning to him.

 

"Um... play track 14."

 

Aradia excused herself off stage and took Feferi unwillingly with her. I turned back to the crowd and felt a sobering calmness fill me head to toe as I looked out at them. A children's toy piano paired with a grand piano began to play through the speakers around me and the sound of a violin screeching followed soon after. I took a seat on a bar stool and sang softly to the song I had spent months holed up in my room slaving over.

 

_GG: "I remember when._

_I remember, I remember when I lost my mind._

_There was something so pleasant about that place._

_Even your emotions had an echo in so much space."_

 

I gazed around the room and found the crowd eerily silent, like they had never heard a voice quite like mine.

 

_GG: "And when you're out there_

_Without care, yeah, I was out of touch._

_But it wasn't because I didn't know enough._

_I just knew too much."_

 

My feet kicked against the stool to the song, one of my hands tapping against my thigh as well. Everything seemingly in sync.

 

_GG: "Does that make me crazy?_

_Does that make me crazy?_

_Does that make me crazy?_

_Possibly..."_

 

I stood up and walked to the edge of the stage, not singing to the audience members, but still interacting with them as I pressed on through the song.

 

_GG: "And I hope that you are having the time of your life._

_But think twice, that's my only advice."_

 

I stopped walking and sat on the apron of the stage, my legs hanging down into the crowd.

 

_GG: "Come on now, who do you, who do you_

_Who do you think you are?"_

 

I slid down into the crowd, still keeping close to the stage, my fingers grazing the edge of the apron.

 

_GG: "Ha, ha, ha, bless your soul._

_You really think that you're in control?"_

 

I pulled myself onto the edge of the stage and laid on my side, facing the crowd before rolling onto my back.

 

_GG: "Well, I think you're crazy. I think you're crazy._

_I think you're crazy..."_

 

I sat up straight and leaned forward towards the audience as if telling them a secret.

 

_GG: "Just like me..."_

 

 I rose to me feet and walked back to where a piano sat unoccupied on stage and I sat on the op of it.

 

_GG: "My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb_

_And all I remember thinking is I wanna be like them."_

 

I slid myself off the piano and stood center stage, right under a spotlight so that it casted shadows down on my face.

 

_GG: "Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun._

_It was no coincidence I've come_

_And I can die when I'm done."_

 

I walked back down stage slowly until I was down center.

 

_GG: "But maybe I'm crazy, but maybe you're crazy._

_Maybe we're crazy._

_Probably."_

 

I slowly lowered myself to the ground, my body sinking until I was on my knees.

 

_GG: "Probably..._

_Just like me._

_Just like me._

_Just like me..."_

 

I bowed my head for a moment as the song played out and the lights rose on stage. I straightened myself up and bowed again. The crowd whistled and cheered for me as I began to walk off stage right. I paused and ran stage left after realizing I was going the wrong way. I passed my mic off to a smaller olive blooded troll as I tried to get out of there as fast as I could. I made my way back out into the main floor, trying to get to the stairs to leave but people kept stopping me and pulling me away, complimenting me and asking about who I was. It was all good and well but I wanted nothing more than to go home. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked back to see Aradia glaring at the crowd that had grown around me and swallowed me up.

 

"Scram." She hissed at them.

 

Everyone quickly fled away from us leaving just me and Aradia in the back. She took my hand and began walking me out of the store, a small smirk sitting on her lips ever so slightly. She looked back over her shoulder at me and winked.

 

"Let's get out of here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We established our main heroines, per se, in the story. I think it may be an unconventional ship but I like the chemistry they have. More background will be revealed soon. Chapter Three, Four, and Five are all being edited as we speak and will hopefully be up soon. With school my writing time is limited so the weekends are when I spend hours locked in my room just writing until I need to step away and let new thoughts grow. This will be interesting, to say the least.


	3. //Aradia//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I lied. Chapter Three and Four took waaaaay longer than I expected and I apologize for that. Chapter Three was one of the hardest to write, I think, and I had scrapped it multiple times. Chapter Four flowed a little easier but I changed the songs dozens of times. But, it's better late than never as they say! Enjoy.

[ **We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off** : Ella Eyre, **Big Girls Cry** : Sia]

 

I studied Jade as we walked down the street in a subtle silence. She was only slightly taller than me, her skin was  a rich mocha brown and her hair was a stark black. Her eyes were my favorite part, the color of polished emeralds. _You’re staring._ I turned my attention back to the road ahead of me, embarrassment filling me up. I hoped she never noticed I was gawking at her. The campus was quiet and only a few shops speckled around us were still open this late. I turned the corner and approached the firehouse, digging for my keys in my bag and struggling to balance my textbook in my arms. Jade removed the heavy music book from my arm to allow me to unlock the door. She gazed up at the building in awe.

 

"Whoaaaa! This is where you live?"

 

I nodded. "So cool!" She whispered following me inside.

 

I trotted up the stairs, sliding my bag off my shoulders and dumping it on the floor next to the railing surrounding the stairs. I let Jade's hand go and shuffled into my kitchen digging out a bottle of red wine, it was cheap but it hasn't been opened yet so I _suppose_ it was still good.

 

“So, Jade, are you single?” I asked playing with the wine opener nonchalantly.

 

“Yep.” She popped her “p” like a piece of bubble gum.

 

“Have you had boyfriends before?” I inquired.

 

“Boyfriends, girlfriends. I’m neither opposed or indifferent to such relationships.” She smiled at me.

 

I nodded. “Are you not opposed or indifferent to a lot of things?” I queried.

 

She nodded. “I’m not opposed to the idea of having sex with someone without ties as long as its consensual and both parties are aware that it is not to lead to a structured relationship.”

 

She looked startled at herself for a second before stumbling to recover what she said. “What I mean- I meant- what I was trying to say was that sex with another person you’re not in a relationship is okay whether it’s once or many times as longs as its agreed upon by both people.” She looked horrified at herself. “Skinny dipping doesn’t sound too bad either…” She sort of mumbled in attempt to redeem herself.

 

I laughed, “Skinny dipping isn’t too bad at all.” I reassured her.

 

Jade smiled at me with relief because I didn’t judge her or make fun of her. I watched her for a moment as she began to explore my apartment more, becoming quiet enthralled with the decor. I refocused my attention on the wine in my hands as I popped the cork and poured myself a glass, casting a glance up at Jade who had their hands and nose pressed against the window as she gazed out at the town. Her face was flushed with amazement and it was cute. She whirled around giggling with excitement and danced around my living room. My eyes locked on to her bouncing chest and slim figure and, oh god, her cute tail, and her thighs. I stopped drinking my wine and licked my lips which tasted like alcohol soaked sugary grapes. I sat my glass onto the counter with an audible click, stepping around the cabinets and approaching Jade.

My hands tugged at her waist, she let out a startled gasp before my lips connected with hers. Her body was rigid for a moment before relaxing into my grasp. I gently pressed against her so she plopped down onto my couch. I hovered over her, a few centimeters between our mouths as we took a minute to breath. I leaned back in, my alcohol tainted lips pressing against her chaste lips. My hands slid under the hem of her shirt lifting it away from her body and tossing it onto the floor. Pulling her into my lap, my hands slid their way around her hips and to her lower back where the base of her tail started. I petted it softly earning a soft moan. I bit at her lip for a moment before feeling her stiffen up. Her hands hit my chest hard as she threw herself away from me.

She stumbled back with a look of horror and betrayal in her eyes. She pressed herself up against the wall, her body hunching over, her ears flattening, and her tail between her legs. There were tears forming in her lashes and her mouth was open in shock.

 

“What is wrong with you?” She gasped.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Am I just some one night stand to you?!” Her face was pale, she was absolutely mortified.

 

“No…” I said, I felt confused about why she was acting this way.

 

She stood up shakily and took a step towards me, “I can’t believe you!” She was more upset with herself than me.

 

“I don’t-“

 

                She silenced me by putting her hand over my mouth, a small glare in her eyes. She leaned in close, her lips grazing against the back of her hand.

 

_GG: “Not a word, from your lips_

_You just took for granted that I want to skinny dip._

_A quick hit, that’s your game._

_But I’m not a piece of meat, stimulate my brain, oh.”_

                She leaned back and removed her hand from my face, stepping back from me and looking at the window at the moon that was almost directly above us.

 

_GG: “The night is young, so are we._

_Let’s just get to know each other, slow and easily, oh._

_Take my hand, let’s hit the floor._

_Shake our bodies to the music_

_Maybe then you’ll score.”_

She peeked over at me before turning her back to me in shame.

 

_GG: “So come on baby, won’t you show some class_

_Why do you have to move so fast?_

_We don’t have to take our clothes off_

_To have a good time_

_Oh no._

_We could dance and party all night_

_And drink some cherry wine.”_

She sauntered into the kitchen and sat onto of the counter, facing me with her legs crossed daintily.

 

_GG: “Just slow down if you want me._

_A man wants to be approached cool and romantically, oh oh._

_I got needs_

_Just like you._

_If the conversations good_

_Vibrations through and through, oh.”_

                She slipped off the countertop and walked over, hopping on top of the coffee table, resting on top of it on her knees.

 

_GG: “So come on baby, won’t you show some class?_

_Why do you have to move so fast?_

_We don’t have to take our clothes off_

_To have a good time_

_Oh no._

_We could dance and party all night_

_And drink some cherry wine.”_

                Jade rose to her feet and had so many emotions filtering across her face in quick flashes, I was unreservedly speechless.

 

_GG: “And we don’t have to take out clothes off_

_To have a good time_

_Oh oh._

_We could dance and party all night_

_And drink some cherry wine, oh hey.”_

                I watched her vocalize with such grace and purity in her voice.

_GG: “Hey, hey._

_Oh, hey._

_Oh.”_

                She looked me dead in the eyes, her emerald ones were glittering in the light casted by the moon through the window.

 

_GG: “We don’t have to take our clothes off, no._

_To have a good time_

_Oh oh._

_We could dance and party all night, oh._

_And drink some cherry wine, oh.”_

                She stepped down from the coffee table and picked her shirt up from the floor.

 

_GG: “We don’t have to take our clothes off, no._

_To have a good time._

_Oh oh.”_

                She pulled her shirt on over her head and turned to me so slowly, humiliation covering her face like a hard mask. 

 

_GG: “We could dance and party all night…_

_And drink some cherry wine, oh…”_

                She stared at me for a  while before turning and starting down the stairs. She looked back at me for only a split second.

 

“I poured myself out to you,” Her voice cracked. “and you wanted nothing more than a taste.”

 

                I watched her disappear downstairs and I knew she left only by the sound of the front door slamming shut. I went back into the kitchen and grabbed my bottle of wine and glass sitting down and downing what was left before collapsing on my couch.

 

«ȺɃ»

 

                Jade stuck around for a while and made some friends. She took to Karkat particularly and then one day she was just… gone. Three months had passed and no one had seen Jade around after that. Not once. No one got any calls or texts. It’s like she just vanished. In the time that passed the Strider brothers opened their record store and it had accumulated a lot of positive attention for both them and the bookstore downstairs. Our group of friends had gathered at the store before opening for rehearsals prior to open jam tonight. Our crew was large and everyone was talented. I panned around the music store with my eyes for a moment, watching our group socialize.

 

Dave and Dirk were setting up their new soundboard since they had just finished with the new light board.

 

Jane and Roxy were cleaning the windows leading to the balcony from either side, making funny faces at each other through the glass.

 

Rose was tuning two of her many violins as Kanaya organized her music sheet.

 

Terezi was talking to Vriska about one of their many duets, but Terezi seemed to be staring at Rose.

 

Karkat was placing trinkets and such in the display case under the counter while John put up posters sponsoring the open jam night.

 

Kankri was enduring Cronus’s flirting as he organized the register.

 

Eridan and Sollux were designing light cues on Sollux’s laptop.

 

Mituna and Latula just showed up with their skateboards over their shoulders and headphones around their necks.

 

Aranea was trying to write in one of those “Wreck This Journals” while Meenah braided her hair.

 

Porrim was just conversing with the Parcel Mistress about something or other.

 

Nepeta was out on the balcony with Feferi staring at the fluffy white clouds fluffing their way cross the sky.

 

Meulin, who was deaf, was signing to Kurloz, who was selectively mute, both were laughing. Ah yes, sign language humor.

 

Gamzee was in the back perusing though our selection of wireless speakers.

 

Tavros and Rufioh were dusting the framed posters.

 

Equis and Horuss were adjusting the angle of the lights on stage.

 

                I looked down at my hands. Everyone had their siblings except for me. They had stopped asking if I had heard from her after the first year. I stopped leaving voicemails after the first few months. I snorted at the thought of her, she left a long time ago. Hell, I don’t think she’ll ever be back. I fumbled the pages of my “ _Fundamentals of Music_ ” textbook before turning to Dave.

 

“Have you heard anything about Jade.” I asked, slamming my book shut.

 

Dave shook his head. “Hey, Karkels!”

 

Karkart raised his head and glared at Dave. “What?”

 

“Have you heard anything about Jade at all?” He asked.

 

“Yeah.” Karkat nodded. “She called a few hours ago. She said she was away for a while. She should be back today.” He said.

 

I nodded. In that moment, the bell on the door downstairs jingled. There was in audible talking and footsteps coming upstairs then Jade appeared, her eyes lacked a certain natural radiance they usually had. Everyone broke out in to happy “hello’s” and “welcome back’s.” She hugged a few people, and when it was Karkat’s turn she picked him up and spun him around, ruffling his hair after putting him down. Something lurched in my heart and while I felt an immediate need to touch or hold her, I shoved it down and away. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from doing anything rash.

 

“Where have you been?” Feferi asked.

 

“Just away for a while.” Jade beamed, but it felt rather involuntary than from her heart. “I didn’t have cell service until I got back into the country today when I called Karkat!” She smiled at everyone.

 

                They crowded around her as she tried to catch up on everything she had missed while she had gone away. Jade, who’s skin was naturally a silky chocolate color, lacked a certain healthy glow it usually had possessed in the past. Something was off about her but I chose not to dwell on the matter.  I narrowed my eyes and shook my head. Dave tapped my shoulder and tapped his wrist. I nodded and turned to the pool of people around Jade.

 

“Opening time, guys!” I called.

 

                The crowd around Jade dissolved leaving just her and I staring at each other awkwardly.

 

“Aradia, do you still want to run through your song?” Dave asked.

 

I tore my eyes from Jade. “No, not today.”

 

                Customers filed upstairs an began to shop. Lots of our crew ended up going home early or to their own jobs or even to college classes. I waved goodbye to Dave and when I turned around I ended up body slamming Jade. She stumbled back in surprise before falling back on her butt. Laughter erupted from her, I offered my hand and she took it gratefully. I hauled her up to her feet where she had to catch her breath from laughing so hard at her clumsiness.  Something about her laugh sounded forced and uncharacteristically fake. I stood there uncomfortably for a moment before grabbing my things and hurrying downstairs. I exited the store with the purpose to get away from Jade.

                It wasn’t her fault. It was just that every time I looked at her I see the hurt and betrayal in her eyes from that night so many months ago. My stomach still twists into a knot whenever I think about, even now. I hurried my pace and cut the corner where I ended up under the railroad tracks. No one really comes here anymore, and the  Riverside Theatre is always closed. I climbed up the concrete supports and sat down under the bridge, pulling out my journal and trying to work on a new song or something. I felt a persistent lump in my throat. My journal slid off my lap and hit the ground in a flutter of pages. Laying awfully fatefully on top of all of the sheets was an old photo of myself and Damara, the edges of the polaroid yellowed and tattered.

                I stared at it for a moment, thinking back to a memory of when Damara was still around. I felt my heart sink into the very bottom of my stomach and a lump pressed itself against my throat. I swallowed hard.

 

_"Aradia," Damara turned to me, her smoky ruby eyes bored into mine. "I'm going to leave one day. I'm going to leave this goddamn town and never come back."_

 

_I looked at her with surprise. "What about college and all your hard work?!"_

 

_Damara scoffed. "Hard work? My so called "hard work" hasn't gotten me a damn thing. It's only gotten me hurt." She hissed, lighting a cigarette with an old brass lighter._

 

_"But if you leave I'll be all alone!" My lip quivered and the same familiar lump was in my throat._

 

_Damara looked at me, her hand gripping my chin and raising it to look at her. She looked so angry. "Grow up, Aradia! Stop crying! Big girls don't cry!" She snapped at me causing my eyes to overflow with tears. She sighed and pulled me into a hug. "You need to grow up and learn to live without me 'cause one day I'm leaving and I won't ever come back, Aradia." Her hug tightened for a moment before releasing me._

 

The memory faded away and I found myself struggling to keep myself from crying. All of a sudden a thought clicked with me: Damara was wrong. Big girls do cry and I don't fucking care. I thought about her and rose to me feet, leaving against the large concrete pillar for a moment.

 

_AA: “Tough girl_

_In the fast lane_

_No time for love_

_No time for pain."_

 

I walked across the concrete connecting the two pillars, my arms stretched out as if I was on a tightrope.

 

_AA: "No drama no time_

_For games_

_Tough girl_

_Whose soul aches."_

 

I stumbled and fell forwards against the pillar, my hands slamming into it to keep my face from doing the same. I lowered myself down, my head hanging.

 

_AA: "I'm at home_

_On my own_

_Check my phone_

_Nothing though._

_Act busy_

_Order in_

_Pay TV_

_It's agony."_

 

I stood back up, laying back against the pillar, my hands at my sides as I tried to restrain them from balling into fists.

 

_AA: "I may cry ruining my makeup._

_Wash away all the things you've taken._

_And I don't care if I don’t look pretty."_

 

I opened my eyes, a few stray red tears slipped over my cheeks. I turned my face away from the sun, as it's warmth reminded me too much of the way Jade's skin felt against mine.

 

 

_AA: "Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking._

_Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking."_

 

I lowered myself again, my knees too weak to support my trembling body.

 

_AA: "Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking..."_

                I inhaled the most unstable breath, my hands shaking and my stomach knotting up. I wiped my face with my sleeves and tried to dry my skin that was glistening a sheer red color now over the gray. I froze for a moment, my eyes locking on a figure directly in front of me on the ground before the concrete support. I slowly raised my eyes, ones of my hands still pressing over my cheek as I did so. My hand dropped into my lap as I met the smoky ruby eyes of Damara.

 

_“Hello Aradia.”_

                Anger bubbled in my blood and I felt my chest swell with hate. My heart broke as I regretted  the amount of hatred I had for my own kin, but I hated her so much.

 

_AA: “Tough girl_

_I’m in pain._

_It’s lonely at the top.”_

                I made air quotations with my hands knowing full well my blood color placed me at the lowest part of the social caste.

 

_AA: “Blackouts and airplanes._

_I’ll still pour you a glass of champagne.”_

                I hissed the words with distaste knowing full well that was the life Damara always wanted and I never had.

 

_AA: “Tough girl_

_Whose soul aches.”_

                My voice began to tremor and I took a big gulp of air to make it stop.

 

_AA: “I'm at home_

_On my own_

_Check my phone_

_Nothing though._

_Act busy_

_Order in_

_Pay TV_

_It's agony."_

I looked at Damara almost pleadingly. I felt my gaze harden as red raindrops poured from my stormy crimson irises.

 

_AA: "I may cry ruining my makeup._

_Wash away all the things you've taken._

_And I don't care if I don’t look pretty."_

 

                My face felt like stone but my soul was wide open and raw for everyone to see.

 

_AA: "Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking._

_Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking."_

                I forced myself to stand so I wouldn’t look for feel so very small.

 

_AA: "Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking..."_

 

I began pacing across the concrete block, the fire in my heart felt like it was being snuffed out and even the embers were dimming making my chest tighten.

 

_AA: “I wake up, I wake up, I wake up_

_I wake up, I wake up, I wake up_

_I wake up, I wake up, I wake up_

_I wake up, I wake up, I wake up.”_

                I stopped and faced Damara.

 

_AA: “I wake up alone”_

Her face was expressionless, blank as if there was an error and she didn’t know how to respond, however her eyes were filled with regret.

 

_AA: "I may cry ruining my makeup._

_Wash away all the things you've taken.”_

                I let myself rest on my knees, my body hunching over in grief as I continued.

 

_AA: “And I don't care if I don’t look pretty._

_Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking._

_Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking."_

 

                I felt the last bit of my energy die out, the flame just a wisp of smoke now. My body sagged limply with anguish because it felt like every other feeling had been sucked from my body through my chest.

 

_AA: "Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking..."_

 

                I clenched my jaw as I tried to suppress a heartbroken cry. I felt a hand rest on my knee softly with sound sincere sympathy and I looked up and, instead of meeting garnet irises, I met all too familiar emerald green eyes belonging only to Jade. It was then I realized that Damara hadn’t been there the entire time, but it was instead Jade cloaked with a hallucination.

 

“Aradia, can you come down here? I need to talk to you.” Her voiced cracked slightly and I watched her fight down her own pained cry.

 

I sighed weakly  and slid my  body over the edge of the block, trying  to lower myself down, except I over estimated my ability and ended up slipping and falling. I landed awkwardly on my feet and staggered before collapsing on my knees rather ungracefully. I blew a piece of hair out of my face after I stood up. Jade shook her head.

 

“Aradia what happened after I left?”

 

I found something particularly interesting to look at on the ground instead of looking at Jade. “Not much.”

 

She nodded slowly, I knew she didn’t believe me.

 

“Aradia… I think we should talk about what happened, before, I mean.” She twisted her hands in her shirt.

 

I nodded slowly and stared at my shoes for a long moment.

 

She gazed at me, a small smile played  across her lips for a moment. “I’m hungry, do you want to get something to eat?”

 

I looked down and forced a laugh, even though I wasn’t extremely hungry I enjoyed the thought. “You’re very forthright.”

 

She crossed her arms. “ I am. Do you like Japanese?”

 

I flinched slightly at that, but forced myself to bury those feelings. “Take out?”

 

“Maybe. There’s a great noodle place not too far from here.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Jade looked visibly surprised. “Really?”

 

“Yeah, really.” I laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theatre for me starts at the end of October so I'll try and get more content up before then but we'll see. I will be posting book updates on my instagram @AquariusBorealis. Look Towards the Sun.  
> -AB


	4. //Jade//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so Chapter Four is just fluff because, I can't lie, every chapter after this is just a downhill spiral into complete and utter hell.  
> In other words... SHIT GOES SIDEWAYS AFTER THIS.  
> Furthermore, enjoy it while you have it.

[ **Cough Syrup** : Young the Giant, **Say You Love Me** : Jessie Ware, **Saturn** : Sleeping at Last.]

 

                We got noodles in a carton to go, heading to the A. Hussie Theatre. Aradia led me through the lobby and into the house, I gazed around the theatre is awe. It was large, being able to seat about 1,500 give or take. I let out a distinct gasp of wonder, cutting it short when I realized how good the acoustics were. We sat in the fifth row from the stage eating the noodles in silence, the entire theatre hauntingly empty. Slackly, we picked at the carton with a absence of hunger, eventually finishing it even with a small appetite. I reached into the paper bag and pulled out the fortune cookies, offering one to Aradia. She took it from my hand and cracked it open, reading her small strip of paper.

 

“Your mistakes do not define you, what you do in response does. Your lucky numbers are 16, 27, 37, 15, and 25.”

 

                She snorted and crumpled the paper up, tossing it over her shoulder. I fumbled with my cookie and pulled out the paper without breaking the sweet shell. I looked at Aradia smugly who rolled her eyes. I read the paper out loud:

 

“Open your heart up to change and be blessed. Close it off and you shall be lonely. Your lucky numbers are 59, 45, 13, 70, and 35.”

 

                Aradia shook her head dismissively before finding something interesting to look at on stage. I nibbled on the fortune cookie while Aradia continued doing what I think was counting gobos. A few minutes passed us by before Aradia rose and dusted off her jeans with her hands.

 

“I’ll be back.” I watched her wander up the isle and disappear into the lobby before I faced forward to stare at the stage.

 

                I rose from my seat slowly, inching towards the apron cautiously. I reached out and barely grazed the polished wood with my fingertips. I hefted myself up onto the stage and paced across it before facing the empty house. Every seat was empty except the two covered in food wrappers and takeout containers. I thought about Aradia for a moment, my mind drifting to the “what if’s.”

 

_GG: “Life's too short to even care at all oh."_

 

Shrugging, I smiled at myself for a moment. I crossed my eyes playfully and giggled at my childish behavior before the somber weight rested on my chest again, making it feel hard to breath, or think, or move, or anything.

  
_GG: "I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control."_

 

I approached down center stage and kneeled at the edge of the apron, imagining a koi pond instead of the house of empty seats before rising to my feet again.

  
_GG: "These fishes in the sea they're staring at me oh oh oh oh oh oh."_

 

I pretended to play the drum the way a little drummer boy would have as I ascended to center stage before rotating myself around to face the large void of an audience, or lack thereof.

  
_GG: "A wet world aches for a beat of a drum, oh."_

 

I turned and began walking downstage, my hands gathering against my chest before one flicked outwards towards the empty house, my hand opening as if to releasing something I had been holding deep within myself.

 

 _GG: "If I could find a way to see this straight, I'd run away_  
_To some fortune that I, I should have found by now_

 

My hands tangled themselves in my hair before slowly descending to rest around my throat.

  
_GG: "I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down."_

I lifted my shoulders and arms in a shrug of defeat.

 

_GG: "Life's too short to even care at all oh."_

 

I raised my hands up over my head before drawing them back down against my sternum.

  
_GG: "I'm coming up now coming up now out of the blue oh."_

 

I headed down stage left, my hands forming a heart shaped and "beating" over my chest.

  
_GG: "These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart oh oh oh oh."_

 

I covered my eyes with my hands before lifting them away, one rising up towards the roof and the other finding safety against my diaphragm.

  
_GG: "A dark world aches for a splash of the sun oh oh."_

I crossed to down stage right and swayed to the song, my hands pulling my hair from its ponytail and flinging my neon green scrunchie somewhere stage right.

 

 _GG: “If I could find a way to see this straight, I'd run away_  
_To some fortune that I, I should have found by now.”_

I walked back to down center stage, at this point I felt my voice cracking and my heart beginning to race.

_GG: “And so I run to the things they said could restore me_  
_Restore life the way it should be.”_

 

                I felt myself begin to cry, as if everything that had happened before all came rushing back like a huge tidal wave and it tore down the very façade I had left to create and maintain.

  
_GG: “I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down.”_

My body began to feel sore and weary from the emotional strain I had placed upon it.

_GG: “Life's too short to even care at all oh_  
_I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control.”_

I felt tears running over my skin and I paced across the stage trying to pull myself together all the while my fingers were trembling. It was sometime at night and everything felt so dark and twisty. My skin stung from the tears and I was hyperaware of my bones and how much it hurt to move them. I couldn’t eat or breathe or feel and my head throbbed behind my eyes from thinking too much and too hard. I had been using feathers as stilts but I had finally come crashing down. The world around me had all changed and shifted so drastically in every direction it didn’t feel like home anymore. It was late at night and I had come to the realization I shouldn’t have walked out of the firehouse that night.

_AA: “If I could find a way to see this straight, I'd run away_  
_To some fortune that I, I should have found by now.”_

                Aradia was standing in the house, I wasn’t how long she had been there but it had been for quite some time. She slid out from behind that row of chairs and approached the very edge of the stage, her eyes boring into mine.

_AA: “And so I run to the things they said could restore me_  
_Restore life the way it should be_  
_I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down.”_

I took a deep, wobbly breath.

_GG: “One more spoon of cough syrup now whoa.”_

  
_AA: “One more spoon of cough syrup now whoa…”_

 

I stared at Aradia for a moment in an exaggerated silence, my mind flashing back to our first duet all those months ago. It made my heart ache terribly so and I was aware of myself beginning to shake. I felt my body drop and my knees hit the stage with a painful crack. Everything was spinning and nothing was making sense and it was all so dark and confusing and different. I felt Aradia take my hand in hers, her skin very warm due to her red blood. My hand wrapped around hers and held it as if she was the only thing grounding me and holding me down to the earth so I wouldn’t be pulled into hell or tossed into the exosphere.

 

“The thing about pain,” Aradia squeezed my hand, “is that it never goes away. You just make room for it.”

 

I stood up unsteadily and walked to the stairs, stumbling down them until Aradia grabbed me to stop me from falling. I wrapped my arms around her and fell into her grasp, she lifted me up and my legs wrapped around her waist as I cried into her shoulder. She carried me away from the stairs and lowered herself onto her knees, still holding me as I wept, shoulders shaking and all. I felt Aradia hide her face in my neck, just as I was to her, but I felt something damp and when I pulled away she was crying too. I wipe her faced with my hands.

 

“It’s okay, Aradia.” She looked up at me and chewed on her lip, squeezing her eyes shut as more red tinted tears fell over her cheeks. “I forgive you.”

 

Aradia eyes opened and stared at me, her bottom lip quivered slightly. I leaned forward and pressed a virtuous kiss on her damp cheek. We sat there for a long while, masked silence as we tried to calm ourselves down. I bit down on my cheek again, drawing blood as I considered taking a risk. _Fuck it._ I leaned forward and nuzzled Aradia’s jaw with my nose and I felt her rubbing circles on my lower back slowly. Aradia pulled back away from me for a moment, drying my face and laughing slightly. Her phone began to ring loudly and she sighed with regret as she got up to answer it.

Her hands ran through her hair as she talked on the phone, nodding and continuously wiping her face as she spoke, her voice barely keeping level through the conversation. It came to my attention then that she could hardly even hold a conversation and she hung up. She turned to me and exhaled, smiling eloquently.

 

“It’s really late and I missed open jam, which is okay.” She stopped me before I could apologize. “Jade, it’s about time we should be heading home but I’m not comfortable with you walking home this late at night.”

 

I nodded. “I’m not either.” I knew Dave’s place was too far away too.

 

“You can sleep in my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.” Aradia offered and extended her hand to me.

 

I took her hand and rose to me feet, not letting go even after I was up. “Thank you for being so gracious.” I dipped my head to her.

 

                She nodded and together we cleaned up the remnants of our dinner, or first date, as I had liked to believe it was but that was just a far off dream. Aradia held my hand a little tighter as she began walking me back to her place. This time felt different than our first time, and as I watched Aradia walking with my hand in hers I felt a new emotion making my heart swell inside my chest. Everything around me fell into slow motion, the entire world drawing to a slow crawl.

 

 _GG: “Say you love me to my face_  
_I need it more than your embrace.”_

                I watched Aradia turn around and smiled at me softly, the corners of her mouth turning up in the gracefully slowness of the unhurried passing time.

  
_GG: “Just say you want me, that's all it takes_  
_Heart's getting torn from your mistakes.”_

                I looked down at my hands, a sheer blush coloring my cheeks before remembering the situation. Then my heart dropped and the blushed faded away and my smile left my lips.

_GG: “'Cause I don't wanna fall in love_  
_If you don't wanna try,_  
_But all that I've been thinking of_  
_Is maybe that you're mine.”_

I hated myself for allowing myself to harvest these feelings for Aradia. I knew better and yet I couldn't stop myself from being so drawn to her. There was something so special about her that I could tear my eyes away from her as her hair bobbed behind her is slow waves with every step.

  
_GG: "Baby it looks as though we're running out of words to say_  
_And love's floating away..."_

 

I watched Aradia's mouth move as she said something but I couldn’t hear her because, while the world had slowed down, the world had also gone silent.

 

 _GG: "Just say you love me, just for today_  
_And don't give me time 'cause that's not the same_  
_Want to feel burning flames when you say my name_  
_Want to feel passion flow into my bones_  
_Like blood through my veins."_

 

I knew Aradia couldn’t hear or even see me, but I looked at her so pleadingly as if I was begging for any scrap of love she could spare for me.

 

 _GG: "'Cause I don't wanna fall in love_  
_If you don't wanna try,_  
_But all that I've been thinking of_  
_Is maybe that you're mine."_

 

We passed windows filled with neon signs, ones dying our skin in vibrant greens, yellows, blues, and pinks. I wanted to keep this night on repeat to preserve the innocence in it.

  
_GG: "Baby it looks as though we're running out of words to say_  
_And love's floating away."_

 

 I began to try and memorize the details of Aradia's face, the fear of the past reliving itself left me startled and dazed. I stared at her and let the details sink in: her button nose, the exact color of her eyes, the freckles scattered over her skin, the way her eyelashes fluttered as she looked down with a blush, the feeling of her hand curled around my hand. This troll would be the death of me.

 

 _GG: "Won't you stay?_  
_Won't you stay?"_

 

Aradia pulled against my hand, taking off into a run in the almost stilled time. Her head turned back at me to laugh and smile and I felt my heart tug. The lights flash over her gray skin giving a pearlescent glow to it that I tried to store in my mind so I'd never forget it.

  
_GG: "Slowly, slowly you run for me,_  
_But do you know me at all_  
_Someone told me love controls everything_  
_But only if you know!"_

 

We stopped and she pulled me into her arms in the middle of the vacant crosswalk placed in the middle of the deserted street. Her nose barely touched mine and her hands around my waist.

 

 _'GG: "Cause I don't wanna fall in love_  
_(No no no no)_  
_If you don't wanna try.”_

                Aradia sighed happily, her shoulders rising and falling within the gradualness of the time that drawled by idly.

  
_GG: “'Cause all that I've been thinking of_  
_Is maybe that you're mine_  
_(You're mine).”_

Aradia walked us the rest of the way across the street and into her building. I followed behind her as we ascended the stairs.

  
_GG: “'Cause I don't wanna fall in love_  
_If you don't wanna try.”_

                I stared after her longingly, but I shook my head to rip my gaze away from her.

  
_GG: “But all that I've been thinking of_  
_Is maybe that you're mine.”_

I watched her smile over her shoulder and start a pot of coffee before leading me into her room and puling clothes from her dresser to borrow.

  
_GG: “Baby it looks as though we're running out of words to say_  
_And love's floating away.”_

She shut the doors behind her when she left and I changed into her clothing, memorizing the feeling they had on my skin as I collapsed into her bed. A few straw tears slid over my face and onto the sheets and pillow as the world sped back up into real time and fell back into its natural silence.

  
_GG: “Won't you stay…”_

I heard the door crack open and a soft whisper filled the room.

 

“Goodnight Jade.”

  
_GG: “Won't you stay…”_

«ȺɃ»

(Aradia)

 

                I sipped at my third cup of coffee, the other mugs scattered across the coffee table leaving rings on the surface. Law and Order was marathoning on TV and I had become immersed in the crime until frantic crying roused me rapidly. My head snapped towards the direction of my bedroom and I leapt from my couch, one of my knees nudged the edge of the dwarf table causing a mug to slide off and hit the floor. I cursed under my breath as I awkwardly stepped around the table and ran towards my room, sliding my half empty mug onto the counter top as I ran.

I cautiously cracked the door to my room open, a strand of warm golden light surged from the space between the door and door frame, streaking across the floor. Jade's shaking body was curled up tightly in a ball beneath my bed sheets, her shoulders shaking somewhat violently as she sobbed in her sleep. I quietly edged my way through the room and eased myself onto my bed. I lifted Jade from the mattress and into my lap, resting her head against my chest so she could hear my heart beat. I combed her hair with my fingers, pressed unsullied kisses against her head, and whispered soft words into her ears but she still wept.

I pondered for a moment before reaching towards my nightstand, Jade's grip on my shirt intensifying. I froze for a second and then proceeded to slide the drawer open and fish through it before I found a CD Rose made for me. Written on the case over a piece of glow tape was the title _Rose's Lullabies_. I opened the case and put the CD in my player, letting the soft instruments fill the room. I resituated myself so that Jade was lying against me rather than sitting up and listened to the song with Jade's warmth flooding me.

I remembered the lyrics Rose gave me to go with her compositions and I hummed quietly before singing softly into Jade's ears.

 

_AA: "You taught me the courage of stars before you left._

_How light carries on endlessly, even after death._

_With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite._

_How rare and beautiful It is to even exist._

_I couldn't help but ask_

_For you to say it all again._

_I tried to write it down_

_But I could never find a pen._

_I'd give anything to hear_

_You say it one more time,_

_That the universe was made_

_To be seen by my eyes._

_I couldn't help but ask_

_For you to say it all again._

_I tried to write it down_

_But I could never find a pen._

_I'd give anything to hear_

_You say it one more time,_

_That the universe was made_

_Just to be seen by my eyes..."_

 

I placed another undefiled kiss on her forehead and stared softly at the sleeping girl against my chest. Her face was still damp but she no longer cried and her body was still and tranquil as the night dragged on.

 

_AA: With shortness of breath, I'll explain the infinite_

_How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist..."_

 

The tracks on Rose's CD played on dimly after the lullaby ended. I continued to pet Jade's hair softly, occasionally grazing her white furry ears with my fingers mildly. I wanted to care for, protect, and love Jade so badly, but I was taught to be afraid of love at a young age, and, besides, everyone I ever loved has left. I mentally scolded myself for thinking Jade could be like that. She was innocent; if she were to do anything like that it would be because I forced that sort of wickedness upon her.

Compared to Jade I was a hurricane when she was nothing but a gentle rain with apologetic beauty. I was destructive to myself and my lovers, stripping them of all they have and leaving them to be weathered down brutally. Jade's rain could've been too strong sometimes but it was a gorgeous act of nature nonetheless. I regret the devastation I bring with sweeping flooding waters made of my salty tears and ground shatter earthquakes made from my cries of pain. Maybe Jade was a storm chaser, but the thing about them is that no one really knows why they desire to go to the eye of the storm. Maybe it was to try and tame a hurricanes erratic and ruinous personality. Or, maybe, they're there to try and turn such pain and torment into ecstatic beauty like the way Vincent Van Gogh did in his paintings. Could someone really see past the storm itself and into the eye of such a massive collection of cataclysmic power? I highly doubted that.

To be fair, we are all natural disasters in our own way, but, then again, we are all natural phenomenon too. However, there is not one person who looks at the aftermath of a storm and sees beauty of any sort. Jade's little rain showers we're something to be adored almost. The drops as gentle as her touch as they fell upon flower petals, the sun peeking out behind the clouds shining as bright as her smile, the smell of petrichor in the air like the smell of her perfume sticking to her skin. I could carry this analogy on for as long as I wanted but it wouldn't change a thing. Jade, compared to me, is too soft and sweet for the world I've created around myself.  I stared down at the girl, who was seventeen but it my arms looked so small and helpless as she slept pressed up against my body.

I could've pinpointed the exact moment when my heart shattered, but it was about at the time I realized how much I really had love instead of lust for Jade did I feel the breaks in my heart. I wanted nothing more to just sit here in silence with her and soak up all the details of her face and personality. I wanted to remember her scars and stray freckles and know the way her skin feels years from now. I was fucked. Totally and unescapably fucked. I had never felt so strongly for someone before and I would've given away everything I owned just to be able to spend the rest of my time with Jade. I stared at her face, her eyelashes fluttering in her sleep and I leaned my head back against my headboard. What would Damara think of me now? Going around and falling in love and shit. She would be astounded.

I could almost imagine her voice telling me I was a fucking idiot but here I was, staring down at Jade and I wanted to think I didn't care what Damara thought. But maybe I did, just a little bit. She was my older sister after all and she had raised me and taught me some valuable lessons in our time together. I couldn't really blame her for leaving. This town was torn up at the edges and not everyone stuck around forever. Damara and I only moved here when Damara enrolled in college. When she left I was only 16 and it was right after the accident, I haven't heard from her since and I wasn't going to try again after all this time. I wouldn't give her that credit. After all, she never picked up my calls anyways; I surely wasn't going to start calling her again now. She didn't deserve my time.

That might've been harsh after all she had done for me, but she was the one who walked out on me and never came back. That was on her. I did miss her, but I learned to live with that a long time ago. Even when she was here... she really wasn't at all. I guess keeping her here would've been the worst thing I could've done to her. I guess it's better off this way, reminiscing lessons Damara taught me and missing the bond we used to share. A thought occurred to me, something Damara used to tell me often when she was still around.

 

_"If you're still awake past 1:00am you're either in love or lonely..."_

 

_"And I don't know which one is worse..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On that note, the fluff was suuuuuper cute and I loved writing it. Sure it will pop in the later chapters but it's all primarily pain from here on out. I love you guys bunches though and thank you to those who have been reading my fanfcition.  
> Updates will be posted on my instagram @AquariusBorealis. (Shameless self promo.)  
> I also have to thank Juno for finishing off this chapter with all those poetic paragraphs. She really out did herself.  
> On that note, I am starting a personal instgram soon and will have more about Juno and the others on there as soon as it's up!  
> Look Towards the Sun.  
> -AB  
> (A/N: I don't know why my end notes from chapter one are frequent on all of my chapters but, hey, they're still relevant so I can't really complain.)


	5. //Aradia//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> But actually...
> 
>  
> 
> I'm not.

[ **Devil Went Down to Georgia** : The Charlie Daniels Band (Natalie Stovall Cover), **Alive** : Sia, **Say You Love Me** : Jessie Ware (Reprise)] 

 

A few weeks had passed us by and Jade and I decided to keep our relationship to ourselves. I was irrevocably and undeniably flushed for Jade. I shook my head and turned my attention back to Rose and Kanaya who were rosining Rose's bows for her many violins. We we're all at the record store again and it was bustling with people thankfully. Dave and I had been confirming the set list for tomorrow night, calling people and penciling them in where ever was still available. Dave tapped me on the shoulder and had a smug grin on his face. 

 

"Watch this." He said. 

 

I watched as he approached Rose and Kanaya who were now moving the violins and such off the stage so they wouldn't be in the way.  

 

"Hey Rose." Dave called. 

 

She looked up from the floor, her hands still tucking a violin into its case while she sat on the stage. "Yes, Dave?" Her skin looked pale under the lights but I assumed it was just my eyes seeing things. 

 

"I bet you can't play country." He sneered playfully. 

 

Rose straightened up, "Is that so?" She inquired. 

 

Dave nodded matter-of-factly.  

 

"Well I bet I can." She shot back. 

 

By now a crowd had begun to gather and Jade was on stage watching as she unpacked her electric guitar. She smiled at me and waved before both of us continued to listen to the conversations between the Strider boy and Lalonde girl. 

 

"I bet you can't!" He jeered. 

 

"I bet I can!" Rose yelled back. 

 

Dave leaned forward daringly, "Prove it." 

 

Rose smiled, "Kanaya, darling, get me my other violin." 

 

"The electric, dear?" She called from off stage. 

 

"No, honey, the other one." 

 

Kanaya poked her head out from behind the curtain and stared at Rose, then Dave, then Rose again before her eyes widened with the realization. "That one?!" She almost screeched.  

 

"Yes. That one." Rose sighed. 

 

When Rose stood the remaining color in her face drained and Jade rushed to her side to steady the blonde girls swaying body. Rose reassured her and asked for a drink, but her shoulders rushed up and down rapidly and she seemed to inhale raggedly as if catching her breath didn’t work. She sipped at the drink a few more times before telling Jade to back off. She raised her smaller violin, a fiddle, and her freshly rosined bow and stood center stage, the bow tugged the strings quickly but still rustically graceful. Kanaya joined in with another violin and followed Rose’s lead. Then John jumped in on the drums. Right when Rose hit the main chords Jade jumped in on her electric guitar, adding something unique to the usual country genre. Rose lifted her bow from her fiddle and Kanaya did to, letting Rose step close to a mic on stage and opening her mouth to sing a song Dave would know all too well. 

 

 _TT: "The Devil went down to Georgia_ , h _e was_ _lookin_ _' for a soul to steal_    
_He_ _was in a bind_ _'cause_ _he was way behind_    
_And he was_ _willin_ _' to make a deal."_  

 

The once small crowd was building up to watch Rose's sheer talent, and she was talented indeed. Many called her a prodigy on the violin, those in our group called her a god. 

 

 _TT: "When he came upon this young man_ s _awin_ _' on a fiddle and_ _playin_ _' it hot_  

 _And the Devil jumped up on a hickory stump_  

 _He said, "boy, let me tell you what!'"_  

 

Rose directly addressed Dave with her usual fire and spunk about her. Her voice was bold and challenging like a thunder cloud by sharp like a crack of lightning. 

 

 _TT: "'I bet you didn't know it but I'm a fiddle player too._  

 _And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you!'"_  

 

She turned back to the crowd, her bow whipping forward to point at Dave menacingly. 

 

 _TT: "'Now you play a pretty good fiddle boy, but give the Devil his due._  

 _I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul_  

 _'cause I think I'm better than you!'"_  

 

Dave smirked and raised his hands in defeat. 

 

 _TT: "the boy said, ‘my names Jonny and it might be a sin,_  

 _But I'll take your bet and you’re_ _gonna_ _regret '_ _casue_ _I'm the best there's ever been.'"_  

 

The crowd cheered as the kids played on stage, excluding Kanaya and Rose who held their violins, or in Rose's case a fiddle, and continued with the bridge. 

 

 _TT: "Jonny, rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard,_  

 _'Cause the Hell's broke loose in Georgia and the Devil deals the cards._  

 _And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold,_  

 _But if you lose the Devil gets your soul!"_  

 

Rose began playing her violin alongside Kanaya. Their movements were quick and sharp but still had a classiness to them that was smooth and melodic. They stopped again when Rose continued the song. 

 

 _TT: “The Devil opened up his case and he said, ‘I’ll start this show’_  

 _And fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow._  

 _And he pulled the bow across his strings and it made an evil hiss.”_  

 

Kanaya dragged her bow along the violin causing it to shriek just as Rose described. 

 

 _TT: “And a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this!”_  

 

Rose and Kanaya played together, only this time it sounded more like hard rock. When the intense duet ended, Rose turned to Dave mocking his signature smug look with one of her own as she locked eyes and sang directly to him. 

 

 _TT: “When the devil finished Johnny said, ‘well, you're pretty good, old son._    
_But sit down in that chair right there and let me show you how it's_ _done.!_ _’”_  

 

She turned back to the large audience as she proceeded on to the bridge. 

 

 _TT: “He played Fire on the Mountain run boys, run!”_  

 

She raised her fiddle under her chin and play a few quick energetic notes. 

   
_TT: “The devil's in the House of the Rising Sun!”_  

 

She played the notes again, smiling and almost dancing slightly to the beat and Kanaya joined in. 

   
_TT: “Chicken in a bread pan_ _pickin_ _' out dough!”_  

 

Kanaya and Rose played in harmony, the energy they had between them was bright and enthusiastic. 

   
_TT: “Granny, does your dog bite? No child, no!”_  

 

They played the notes again before transitioning into a second instrumental duet with one another. Eventually they lowered the bows to allow Rose to finish. 

 

 _TT: “The devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat_    
_And_ _he laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Johnny's feet_  

 _Johnny said, "Devil, just come on back if you ever want to try again_    
_I done told you once—you son of a bitch— I'm the best that's ever been!”_  

 

This time Rose actually dance as she and Kanaya played their instruments together. They spun and arched their backs in graceful posture and walking around the stage and moving to the music. 

 

 _TT: “He played Fire on the Mountain run boys, run!_    
_The devil's in the House of the Rising Sun!_    
_Chicken in a bread pan_ _pickin_ _' out dough!_    
_Granny, does your dog bite? No child, no!”_  

 

Rose and Kanaya finished off with a last few chords of violin with Jade and John on their respective instruments. When they finished I studied Rose, her shoulders were raising and lowering so rapidly and her mouth was parted as she struggled to catch her breath. She raised her bow above her head, her violin down by her hip, and bowed. When she straightened up her shoulders froze and she seemed to choke before collapsing on stage.  

 

“ROSE!” I heard Roxy scream from the back of the crowd, shoving her way to the front. 

 

I leapt onto the stage alongside Kanaya and Jade who ran to the blondes crumpled body. The crowd washed over us with their speculative whispers as we collected around Rose’s body. 

 

“Her pulse is faint. SOMEONE CALL 911!” Jade shrieked. 

 

Roxy looked like she was going to cry as Kanaya gathered her girlfriends bodying into her arms. We heard the sirens getting louder and all of us followed Kanaya as she ran with Rose’s body down stairs. We exploded through the front door, the paramedics taking Rose’s body and letting Kanaya and Roxy ride with her to the hospital. I felt someone push me and I turned to see Terezi at the side of Rose’s gurney. She was trying to get answers but she was pulled away by Vriska. My ears were ringing as I watched them argue, the two cool color blooded girls screaming and Terezi was in angry tears. I felt someone squeeze my hand and I turned to Jade who had her hand laced in mine. I shivered involuntarily as a chill went down my spine and Jade began to pull me down the street to the markets. When my ears stopped ringing I listened as Jade hummed Je Veux by Zaz.  

She turned to me and smiled softly. She stopped humming and perked her ears before pulling me under a vacant booth that had tapestries and paintings for sale. 

 

“What are you doing?” I asked. 

 

Jade pulled me close, our faces were barely inches apart. “It’s going to rain.” 

 

“Is not.” I protested. 

 

Jade smiled her know-it-all smiled and kissed me softly. It was so calm until the sky opened up and sheets of rain bombarded across the small city. Jade pulled away and laughed. 

 

“Told you so.” 

 

I hit her lightly and stuck my tongue out at her. I reached my hand out from under the tent and felt the cool rain. 

 

“It feels nice.” I stepped out into the shower and let it soak into my clothes. 

 

Jade jumped out behind me and grabbed my hand, running through the rain with me until we reached the riverside trail. I spun Jade around, her laughter pure and true as we danced in the rain. She pushed me against the railing and planted a soft kiss on my lips. She pulled away and smiled, wiping her face with her hands before turning me so I could stare out at the river. 

 

“Isn’t it lovely?” She asked resting her chin on one of her hands as she leaned against the railing. 

 

For a moment everything was perfect… then that moment was gone. Jade straightened up and grinned at me before hopping the fence on to the large stairs that reached down and touched the river. 

 

“Come on.” She urged me. 

 

“I don’t think this is a good idea and I don’t feel comfortable-“ 

 

“Please?” 

 

I sighed and nodded, climbing over the fence. Jade walked down almost to the very edge of the river, laughing and playing around. I kept up near the railing, my anxiety spiking as I watched the dog-girl have her fun in the rain. Jade began to walk back up to me when her foot slipped on the slick edge. I watch her stumble back in horror before launching myself forward and wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her back and practically tackling her. She stared up at me, her ears flattened against her head as I had her nearly pinned down under me. Shame and dreadfulness flooded my body as I sat back away from Jade. 

 

“Aradia?” Her voice quaked. 

 

My mouth opened to respond by nothing came out. Under all the rain I could only think about the cold water that chilled my blood and caused me to die on my own accord. I shuttered and thanked whatever god was listening for making it rain so Jade couldn’t see me tearing up. 

 

“Aradia?” Jade asked again, this time more forcefully. 

 

I snapped out of whatever memory I had fallen into and stared at her for a second before standing up and pulling her to her feet. 

 

“Let’s go.” I began walking away until Jade turned me around to face her. 

 

“What is the matter with you?” She asked, worry resting on her face. 

 

I looked over her shoulder at the river, “I don’t like the water.” 

 

“Why not?” Her grip loosened slightly. 

 

My eyes slowly trailed back to hers. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

 

Jade’s eyes softened and she pulled me into a hug. “It’s okay. Let’s go for a walk.” 

 

I nodded and fell behind her as we headed back towards the campus to try and escape the rain that blurred the town in the horizion. Jade ducked under the covered entry of the trade center which was one of the buildings our college used. I watched her wring out her hair while I was still in the rain. I looked up at the clouds and closed my eyes, just letting the rain fill my senses. 

 

 _AA: “I was born in a thunderstorm…”_  

 

I opened my eyes and blinked water droplets from my eyelashes. 

 

 _AA: “I grew up overnight….”_  

 

I squeezed my eyes shut and lowered my head slowly until it was facing straight ahead. 

 

 _AA: “I played alone I'm playing on my own…”_  

 

My eyes flashed open revealing my ruby red irises. 

   
_AA: “I survived.”_  

 

I jumped up onto the ledge surrounding the large pool of water outside of the trade center, the water falls that made up the fountain were thundering quietly compared to the rain.   
   
_AA: “Hey_    
_I wanted everything I never had,”_  

 

I turned and pointed at Jade. 

   
_AA: “Like the love that comes with light.”_  

 

I pulled at my clothing and slipped my jacket off my shoulders, tossing it on the ground. 

   
_AA: “I wore envy and I hated that.”_  

 

I stepped down off the ledge and pushed my wet hair away from my face. 

   
_AA: “But I survived.”_  

 

I slowly began to approach Jade, my body cold and damp from the still heavy rain. I could still hear the sound of the heart monitors tracking my heartbeat in the back of my mind. The constant tempo pulsing in the back of my brain.   
   
_AA: “I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go.”_  

 

I motioned to the area around us sourly. 

   
_AA: “Where the_ _wind don't_ _change and nothing in the ground can ever grow.”_    
 

I hung my head for a beat, a smile playing across my lips. 

 

 _AA: No hope, just lies_    
_And_ _you're taught to cry into your pillow.”_  

 

I looked back up at Jade, my eyes locking on her beautiful emerald ones. 

   
_AA: “But I survived”_  

 

I stood in front of Jade, my hand reaching out to stroke her cheek, and Jade leaned into my hand in response.   
   
_AA: “I'm still breathing_  

 _I'm still breathing_  

 _I'm still breathing_  

 _I'm still breathing…”_  

 

I took a breath and a step back, turning to look out at the rain clouds in the sky. 

   
_AA: “I'm alive_  

 _I'm alive_  

 _I'm alive_  

 _I'm alive.”_    
 

I leaned against one of the pillars and stared at the small, rainy city. 

   
_AA: “I found solace in the strangest place_    
_Way in the back of my mind.”_  

 

I looked back at Jade, tilting my head slightly to the right as I did so. 

   
_AA: I saw my life in a stranger's face_    
_And_ _it was mine.”_    
 

I stepped out into the rain and onto the ledge around the fountain, walking wards as it followed the angle of the stairs beside it. 

   
_AA: I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go.”_  

 

 I looked back at Jade and shrugged. 

   
_AA: “Where the_ _wind don't_ _change and nothing in the ground can ever grow.”_  

 

I continued my slow walk carefully. 

   
_AA: “No hope, just lies_    
_And_ _you're taught to cry into your pillow.”_  

 

I teetered and my foot slipped, dipping into the pool and I flinched as I rose to my feet and stepped down on to the stairs.” 

   
_AA: “But I survived.”_  

 

I descended the stairs, the rain pelted my skin and made me shiver.   
   
_AA: “I'm still breathing_  

 _I'm still breathing_  

 _I'm still breathing_  

 _I'm still breathing…”_  

 

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared at the horizon for a long moment. 

 

 _AA: “I'm alive_  

 _I'm alive_  

 _I'm alive_  

 _I'm alive.”_  

 

I thought about everyone who had wrong me and manipulated me in my life thus far.   
   
_AA: “You took it all, but I'm still breathing. You took it all, but I'm still breathing._  

 _You took it all, but I'm still breathing. You took it all, but I'm still breathing._  

 _You took it all, but I'm still breathing. You took it all, but I'm still breathing._  

 _You took it all, but I'm still breathing. You took it all, but I'm still breathing.”_  

 

I jumped up onto a bench and mentally cursed the names of people who had hurt me.   
   
_AA: “I have made every single mistake_    
_That you could ever possibly make_    
_I took and I took and I took what you gave_    
_But you never noticed that I was in pain_    
_I knew what I wanted; I went out and got it_    
_Did all the things that you said that I wouldn't_    
_I told you that I would never be forgotten_    
_And all in spite of you!”_  

 

I lowered myself down until I was sitting on the bench.   
   
_AA: “And I'm still breathing_    
_I'm still breathing_    
_I'm still breathing_    
_I'm still breathing…”_  

 

I took a deep breath and looked at Jade who had decided to join in. 

   
_AA: “I'm alive.”_  

 

 _GG: “You took it out, but I'm still breathing._    
_You took it out, but I'm still breathing.”_  

   
_AA: “I'm alive.”_  

 

 _GG: “You took it out, but I'm still breathing._    
_You took it out, but I'm still breathing.”_  

   
_AA: “I'm alive.”_  

 

 _GG: “You took it out, but I'm still breathing._    
_You took it out, but I'm still breathing.”_  

   
_AA: “I'm alive!”_  

 

I stood up and stretched my arms above my head and just breathed.   
   
_AA: “I'm alive_  

 _I'm alive_  

 _I'm alive_  

 _I'm alive.”_  

 

Jade stared at me in silence before pulling me under the cover where she had remained. She sighed so softly it sounded like a breath of whispering wind. I watched as Jade tucked strands of my soaking hair behind my  ear before she pulled me into a hug. Her arms were around my waist and I could feel her breathing on my ear. I felt her turn slightly and place tender kisses on my cheek.  

 

“I understand, Aradia.” Jade whispered in my ears. 

 

I looped my arms around her neck slackly and we began to sway in an all-too-cliché slow dance. I listened to Jade humming t herself until she began to sing to me.  

 

 _GG: “Say you love me to my face_    
_I need it more than your embrace_    
_Just say you want me, that's all it takes_    
_Heart's getting torn from our mistakes…”_  

 

I rested my head against Jade’s shoulder as we moved slowly to the melody.   
   
_GG: “_ _'Cause_ _I don't_ _wanna_ _fall in love_    
_If you don't_ _wanna_ _try,_    
_But all that I've been thinking of_    
_Is maybe that you might_    
_Baby it looks as though we're running out of words to say_    
_And love's floating away…”_  

 

Jade took a breath and spun me around so my back was against her chest and her hands wrap around my stomach. My arms were still loosely around Jade’s neck as we swayed together and she leaned down ever so slightly to sing into my ear.   
   
_GG: “Just say you love me, just for today_    
_And don't give me time 'cause that's not the same_    
_Want to feel burning flames when you say my name_    
_Want to feel passion flow into my bones_    
_Like blood through my veins.”_  

 

I dropped my arms and laced my hands with hers.   
   
_GG: “_ _'Cause_ _I don't_ _wanna_ _fall in love_    
_If you don't_ _wanna_ _try,_    
_But all that I've been thinking of_    
_Is maybe that you might_    
_And, baby, it looks as though we're running out of words to say_    
_And love's floating away.”_  

 

She turned me back around so I could see her and she wiped her face with the back of her hand, a small smile set on her lips.   
   
_GG: “Won't you stay?_    
_Won't you stay?”_  

 

I rose up onto my tiptoes and kissed Jade’s forehead for a minute before dropping back down flatly on both feet. Jade tugged at my hand and pointed at the sky, where the rain had let up, before saying, 

 

“We should get you home now.” 

 

I nodded, my body freezing a grossly wet from the rain water. 

 

“Let’s go home.” I agreed. 

 

Jade took my hand and pulled my jacket from the ground, the cloth heavy with the rain that had soaked into the threads, and walked me to our home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit's getting real guys. The plot thickens, how will our two heroines cope with the new changes, and will they be able to keep themselves together?
> 
> Tune in next time to see how much I hate my life.
> 
> \- AB


	6. //Jade//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many plans for this. So many plot twists and heartbreak and oh... I'm just getting started. Only now is the story starting to take off but we still have such an awfully long way to go.

[I Hate You I Love You: GNASH]

I held a vase of purple orchids in my hands as I stared at the door in front of me. Rose Lalonde was written on the card tucked into the door and I swallowed hard, trying to calm my nerves. My hand shook as I reached the handle of the door, looking in I could see dozens of vases of roses in the room and I exhaled softly to myself as I opened the door. The sweet scent of all the flora was like a cloud in the room. Rose was asleep in bed, her hospital gown open in the front to show a long sutured incision down the front of her chest. I flinched at the sight of it. I took a step back away from the girls bed, trying to leave her in peace but instead I knocked a doctors clipboard from the stand behind me sending it crashing to the ground with a loud thud. I froze. Rose didn't seem to wake and I hoped the sedatives were keeping her asleep as I slide the vase onto the table next to her bed and stooped down to retrieve the clipboard. It was open when I picked it up and inside I saw the description of Rose's condition. I couldn't recognize all of the words but a few made sense, especially the word tumor.

"Good read isn't it?" I shot up at the sound of a voice.

A yawn followed the remark and I stared at the bed bound body of Rose.

"it's really not as bad as it sounds. Trust me. It was only a tumor on my lung that grew so much," She plucked a balloon from the packet of them on her bedside table and blew one up until she went into a coughing fit. "it pressed against my heart making it hard to breath, and, well, here I am." She finished coughing and smiled lightly, I fidgeted under her gaze.

I put the clipboard down and stood a ways away from Rose, afraid I would break her if I touched her. She looked so fragile there in bed in her gaudy gown.

"Jade," I looked up at Rose. "Please hold me." She let out an exasperated sigh. "No one will touch me, not even Kanaya. It was one little tumor! I won't break! Give me affection!" She fell back into her pillows and groaned.

I took a step and hesitated before crawling into the bulky bed and manipulating Rose's many wires so she could be held comfortably in my lap. We sat in silence for a long time, I twirled Rose's hair with my fingers and she just breathed. I guess everything just hurt and she was so tired. Tired of being sick. Tired of being locked in this room. We sat in a long silence before it was broken by an announcement over the intercom of a bad trauma coming in.

“Hey,” Rose looked up at me, playfully begging, “Go get some juicy details on that trauma for me. Pleaseee.” She batted her eyelashes, “It’s my only source of entertainment.” She pouted before falling back on her bed dramatically, “If another tumor doesn’t kill me the boredom will,” she whined.

“Fine.” I let out a long sigh before getting up and heading down to trauma.

I stepped out of the elevator and my breath was torn from me. Doctors and nurses were running around trying to prepare. Interns were rushing to following their residents and everything was going so fast. I froze as the doors to the ambulance bay opened and three gurneys rolled in one after another.

“It was a bad collision.” I turned to see a TV showing the news, a female reporter was standing in front of an eighteen wheeler that was in a ditch and the crumpled metal mass of a car over turned on the road. “Eyewitnesses have said that the driver of the tractor-trailer had been harassing the two females earlier for their relationship together. The police are not ruling out a hate crime, and from what was seen at the scene, the speedometer was stuck at over 100mph after barreling into the smaller car. The three victims who were in the car were taken to Skaia Grace Hospital and are in critical condition as they-“ there was a pause as she leaned off camera. “Christ.” She dipped back into frame and looked utterly terrified. “It has just been confirmed that the three individuals who were hit by the truck… were college students.” My heart dropped. There was a beat before she continued. “As they get the help they need in the ER, these next few moments will be extremely critical and our thoughts and prayers are with their families. We will update you as soon as we know more.”

My head slowly turned to the three hospital beds filled by the battered bodies of the students. I stared at them until a sick realization set in and I felt vomit rise in my throat.

“Oh god!”

“Ma’am?” I turned to a nurse beside me. “Ma’am are you okay? Do you know these students?”

I swallowed and nodded.

“Their names, please.” She asked politely, flipping open a new clipboard.

I lifted a shaky hand, pointing at the first bed where their left arm was completely severed off. “T-that’s Vriska Serket. She has an older sister, A-Aranea.”

I choked and moved my hand to the next bed where the body was bleeding profusely from their head and the rest of their body was covered in glass shards and cuts. “That’s T-Terezi Pyrope. H-Her older sister is n-named Latuala.”

My heart began to pound and my ears rang, in the last bed before my shaking hand, the body was lying limply and the legs were twisted all wrong in the erroneous directions. “T-that’s T-Tavros Nitram. H-his older brother is R-Rufioh.”

I stumbled over to the nearest trash can and threw up, gagging and heaving. I felt lightheaded and the grasp I had on everything had been disengaged so roughly. I felt more bile rise in my throat and I retched as I tried to smothering it down. The nurse from earlier tapped on my shoulder and I wiped at my face frantically, trying to neaten up my smudged makeup.

"Tavros is awake. He's in a great amount of pain but would you like to see him?" She asked with a velvety softness in her voice.

I nodded and followed behind her closely, when we neared his bed I broke away from behind her and raced to Tavros's side. I took his hand in mine as he withered in pain, his legs from the knees down resembled the way a ball-jointed dolls would if they were pulled from the sockets. Orange tears dyed his skin and the paper thin cover on the bed as he sobbed and wailed in excruciating pain.

He looked up at me, his eyes so wide and scared, "They wouldn't stop arguing!" He sobbed, "They were screaming at each other! They wouldn't stop!"

"Who, Tavros?" I pushed hair from his eyes and he gritted his teeth in pain, his eyes squeezing shut.

When his eyes opened they were wide with fear and he turned his head to look at the limp bodies of Terezi and Vriska. He began to cry again and a nurse came running over saying that that had been enough. I was pushed aside as a flurry of doctors crowded around him and called for orthopedics immediately. They wheeled Tavros way and I stood, locked in the positions. Fear caked my bones so I couldn't move at all and my heart dropped. My phone pinged with a message and my stomach twisted as I noticed it was from Rose. "Come back now! I want to hear all the gory details!" I bit my lip and closed my eyes, trying to compose myself for Rose's sake.  
When I got back to Rose's room I stood outside her door, my hand curled around the handle but unable to go forth. I sighed and pushed the door open. Rose sat up, her mouth curved with happiness at my return but slowly fell to a frown at the solemn look on my face.

"Jade... What's wrong?" She asked, her heart monitor beginning to beep a little quicker.

"There's been an accident." The words stumbled from my lips before I could stop them.

Rose sat more rigidly, "What happened?" The beeps were getting ever so slightly quicker and quicker with every exchange.

"An eighteen-wheeler hit their car..." I wiped under my eyes with my hands.

"They? Who is they?!" The tempo of her heart was becoming rapid very quickly.

"Vriska, Tavros, and..." My sentence fell away.

"Who?!" The beeps were beginning to blur together.

"Terezi." Rose's body stiffened and she fell heavily into the bed.

Nurses came bursting into the room shoving me away as they tried to help Rose.

"SHE'S GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST! GET A CRASH CART AND PAGE CARDIO, NOW!"

At the worst possible moment, Kanaya walked in. The bouquet of flowers in her hands slid from her finger tips and rumpled against the floor. She looked at me with alarm coating her face thickly and clearly.

"I-I don't know what happened." I looked back at Rose's body just as the paddles were pressed against her chest and a strong electric shock was sent through her.

«ȺɃ»  
(Third Person Omniscient)

Rose stood in her hospital room, the bed filled by her body but the rest of the floor was silent. The entire building felt so empty. She turned and walked out of her room and down the halls, passing by nurses oblivious of Rose’s out-of-body experience. She continued her trek, stepping into the elevator and letting it descended with her in its belly. It opened on the trauma floor, the doctors, nurses, residents, and interns rushed around trying to save lives so rapidly. The blonde looked around the filled room slowly, her eyes landing on a blue blood and teal blood arguing, their own bodies draped across hospital beds. They stopped to look at her, the teal blood’s mouth dropped open and the blue bloods face became a hard mask of hatred. The blonde girl flinched.  
Terezi, the teal blood, stared at Vriska, the blue blood, imploringly, begging her not to do anything rash to Rose. Everything went dead silent all of a sudden as Vriska’s face twisted into rage. Every other person in the building dissipated into vapor as the blue blood let out a scream of anguish. Everything stilled and it was ghostly. Vriska’s eyes overflowed like a waterfall, vibrant blue tears coating her face and cheeks. The once angry look she wore fell away as she look at Terezi, her eyes hunted her for any sign the teal blood still loved her.

_CG: “Feeling used_   
_But I'm…”_

Terezi looked right at Rose.

 _CG: “Still missing you_  
 _And I can't_  
 _See the end of this._ ”

She turned back to Vriska miserably.

_CG: “Just wanna feel your kiss_   
_Against my lips_   
_And now all this time_   
_Is passing by_   
_But I still can't seem to tell you why_   
_It hurts me every time I see you_   
_Realize how much I need you…”_

Terezi exhaled slowly and inhaled a deep breath, trying to keep herself from crying. It was harder because Vriska was already crying and she never cried.

_CG: “I hate you, I love you,_   
_I hate that I love you_   
_Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you.”_

Vriska flinched back at those words, her façade slowly crumbling apart and her heart overflowing with emotions into her chest, drowning her from the inside out.

_AG: “I hate you, I love you,_   
_I hate that I want you_   
_You want her, you need her_   
_And I'll never be her…”_

Vriska casted a small glance at Rose, she had nothing left, no energy in here to even make herself glare. She had become almost inferior. Her eyes shifted back to Terezi as she continued.

_AG: I miss you when I can't sleep_   
_Or right after coffee_   
_Or right when I can't eat_   
_I miss you in my front seat_   
_Still got sand in my sweaters_   
_From nights we don't remember_   
_Do you miss me like I miss you?_   
_Fucked around and got attached to you_   
_Friends can break your heart too,_   
_And I'm always tired but never of you.”_

The blue blood had to stop, her voice shivering too much to make sense and the quievering breaths turned her words into gibberish. Rose stepped in, her own voice weakened and raspy.

_TT: If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit_   
_I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit_   
_I type a text but then I never mind that shit_   
_I got these feelings but you never mind that shit_   
_Oh oh, keep it on the low_   
_You're still in love with me but your friends don't know_   
_If you wanted me you would just say so_   
_And if I were you, I would never let me go.”_

Vriska had composed herself enough to continue, cutting in where Rose had left off.

_AG: “I don't mean no harm_   
_I just miss you on my arm_   
_Wedding bells were just alarms_   
_Caution tape around my heart_   
_You ever wonder what we could have been?_   
_You said you wouldn't and you fucking did_   
_Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix_   
_Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed.”_

Vriska had to turn her back to the teal blood because, while the blue blood would never admit it, she didn’t want Terezi to see her cry. It made her feel weak. Rose picked back up and continued on, her face not even a mask but a clear painting of the pain everyone was in.

_TT: “Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing_   
_Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance_   
_I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing_   
_But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings_   
_When love and trust are gone_   
_I guess this is moving on_   
_Everyone I do right does me wrong_   
_So every lonely night I sing this song.”_

The three girls all sang together, their hearts broken to homes to someone in the circle, each buried under the rubble left when they split apart.

_AG, CG, TT: “I hate you, I love you,_   
_I hate that I love you_   
_Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you_   
_I hate you, I love you,_   
_I hate that I want you_   
_You want her, you need her_   
_And I'll never be her.”_

Rose’s voice fell away, her hands shaking at her sides as the two trolls continued.

_AG and CG: “All alone I watch you watch her_   
_Like she's the only girl you've ever seen_   
_You don't care you never did_   
_You don't give a damn about me_   
_Yeah all alone I watch you watch her_   
_She is the only thing you ever see_   
_How is it you never notice_   
_That you are slowly killing me.”_

Vriska turned back to face Terezi, her cheeks stained blue and Terezi’s were stained teal.

_CG: “I hate you, I love you,_   
_I hate that I love you_   
_Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you.”_

Vriska choked down a sob as Terezi began to flicker and her body began gradually dimmer.

_AG: “I hate you, I love you_   
_I hate that I want you_   
_You want her, you need her_   
_And I'll never be her…”_

The three girls watched each other. They watched as Terezi faded away, a red hue left where he eyes were before disappearing completely. They watched as Vriska’s arm turned a sickly dark blue and her figure faded away. They watched as Rose’s body dulled into the background, her heart and lungs glowing a dim purple before she too was gone.

«ȺɃ»  
(Jade)

I unlocked the door and pushed my way into the firehouse, turning to shut the door with an audible bang. I stood for a moment, my hand twisted around the door knob and eyes watering as I knew what I had to tell Aradia. I pressed my forehead against the door and breathed, counting to ten before turning to head upstairs.

“Welcome home!” I heard Aradia call from the second floor.

I froze, listening as she fell into a bout of coughs. I slowly dragged myself up the stairs, my bag dropping from my shoulder when I hit the top. I dropped my keys on the counter and watched Aradia straighten up and push strands of hair from her sweaty forehead.

“Hey.” She croaked.

Aradia had been sick, she caught something after standing in the rain and it had filled her body making her bed ridden. I was surprised to see her up. Her face was still flushed red and her body looked almost gaunt. She trembled and was a sticky, sweaty mess.

“Why are you out of bed?” I walked away from the counter and scooped up the red wool sweater Aradia had been wearing when I left from the floor under the archway leading to the hall.

“I was hot.” She whined.

“I see.” I walked around the counter and put my hand on her forehead then placing a kiss against it. “I think your fever broke, which is good.” I rubbed circles on her back, glancing down at the empty mug in her hands.

I slipped it from her fingers and speckled kisses on Aradia's cheeks. She stood almost numbly in front of the counter, her hands still cupping an invisible mug. I ushered her into the living room and plopped her down on the couch. I walked back into the kitchen making a fresh cup of tea for Aradia. I watched the leaves stew in the teapot and looked up at Aradia ever so often. I knew I had to tell her what happened but I was worried she couldn't handle it. It's better to do it now. Just rip off the metaphorical Band-Aid. I carried the warm cup of fresh tea to Aradia and she took it sipping at it ever so idly. I sighed. Do it.

"Aradia we need to talk." I placed a hand on her knee and she looked at me over the rim of the mug.

"When I was visiting Rose there was an accident."

Aradia nodded slowly.

"A car was hit by a tractor trailer and it was really bad."

Aradia stiffened and looked at me with tired confusion.

"It was Terezi, Vriska and Tavros. They were hit by the eighteen wheeler."

Aradia stared at me in diluted fear and shrugged.

I realized how hollow she had become. Numb to everything, the news rolled off her skin like water on ducks feathers and part of me was slightly convinced she didn't care. But she did. I swear. In her eyes hidden by her lashes as her eyes hung half lidded, there was concern. Maybe she had shut down, I couldn't tell particularly well through the veil of her sickness and fever. Aradia rested her head on my shoulder as I rubbed small circles across her back, lazily humming chords to some pieces I had been working on. A tinge of fear struck my heart as I thought about how Roxy might've been taking all of this. I truly hoped she was okay and not drinking. Oh god what kind of mess could she be in? And Rose? What about Rose? I felt myself mentally sink into a darker state of mind slowly then my entirety was consumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy using TPO. (Third Person Omniscient.) It really adds an almost spiritual feel to the situations in which it is instated. Anyways, more to come soon. I have some things up my sleeve for the next chapters. Chapters seven and eight will be more mild but by nine and ten we get into plot holes, plot twists, and tragedy, OH MY!
> 
> \- AB


	7. //Aradia//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifty percent exposition, fifty percent percent rising action, one hundred percent bullshit and confusion. Jade and Aradia cope with things, Roxy is a hot mess (like so hot she could be the fucking sun), people are in the hospital, and all around is just mayhem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Girl, your plot is thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.
> 
> Enjoy.

//Chapter Seven : Aradia// 

 **[Sum of our Parts** : Mary Lambert, **State of** **Dreaming** : Marina and the Diamonds.] 

 

"Shit!" 

 

The sound of boxes falling followed the exclamation made by Jade in our bedroom as she went through boxes of my old things. I sighed and turned my head towards the ruckus. 

 

"Please don't break my stuff." 

 

"I'm okay, thanks for asking Aradia!" Jade called back sarcastically from the other room. 

 

I rolled my eyes and turned my eyes back to focus on the window as the sun began to sink slowly into the horizon. 

 

"Hey, Aradia," I turned to Jade who held a frame in her hands, “who is this?” She turned the frame to me and I stared at it for a moment before peeling my eyes away from the image of my sister and myself. 

 

“That's Damara.” I said under a sigh. 

 

“Is she your sister or something?” Jade asked. 

 

“Yeah. My older sister.” I nodded.  

 

“Oh.” I heard the frame tap on the counter and I knew Jade has set it down.  

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked. 

 

 _Not particularly._ “It was a long time ago.” 

 

“So what?” She asked. “It's never too late.” 

 

“Damara hated this town. You know she went to college here? Yeah. She was going to major in journalism or something. She slept around and got her fix and needed to move on to somewhere new but I fought against it. One day Damara was late home. She had smoked and pulled over until the high passed but I thought she has finally left…” I ran a hand through my hair and looked at Jade. “I walked down to the river and jumped in that cold morning. The water was freezing and I couldn't feel any of my limbs after a few minutes. The water filled my lungs and I don't really remember what happened. They say someone saw me and called the paramedics before going in after me. When I made it to the hospital they attempted to drain my lungs but hypothermia got me first. They called it, time of death 8:17am.” Jade looked horrified. “At 8:22 my heart started on its own and I was somehow alive again. I hate the river now.” I looked out the window again and stared at the dull gray sky. “I can still taste the water in my mouth.” I took a breath. “Not long after I recovered Damara left. I used to call often but it only ever went to voicemail so I stopped. It’s been three years since I last saw Damara.” 

 

“I understand.” Jade said meekly. 

 

“Do you?” I snapped at her knowing full well it made her flinch. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

The pained sincerity in Jade’s eyes made me realize how inconsiderate of others feelings I had been. I never took them into account, or if they could’ve ever felt the things I did. I pushed people away without recognizing I was doing the thing that hurt me. And, in turn, I hurt them. 

 

“I do know what it’s like.” Jade said, somehow she had moved beside me and had taken my hand without me noticing. She pulled me up off the couch. “It’s kinda like…” 

 

 _GG: “This is my skin that I've never fit in_    
_I was born the queen of nowhere_    
_This is how it begins.”_  

 

She stepped around me and pointed to the town outside the window. 

 

 _GG: “I wonder is this your life_    
_Were you raised in deep water_    
_Are they pushing you down_    
_Are you gonna push harder.”_    
 

She jumped up on the window seat and looked at me empathetically. 

   
_GG: “I want to know who ever broke you_    
_I want to know how you can grow bigger.”_  

 

She turned to face the chilled window before looking over her shoulder at me. 

   
_GG: “Don't go looking for some kind of rescue_    
_You are the only one who can save you.”_  

 

She stepped down off the chaise and took both my hands in hers.   
   
_GG: “We are, we are more than our scars_    
_We are, we are more than the sum of our parts_    
_We are, we are more than our scars_    
_We are, we are more than the sum of our parts.”_  

 

I sang after Jade, my voice was a powerful storm.   
   
_AA: “I didn't know I was a phoenix_    
_Till I learned how to speak_    
_Even with ashes in my mouth_    
_I was still born to breath.”_  

 

I spun Jade around and lifted her up and placed her on top of the chaise. 

   
_AA: “I wonder are you like me_    
_Were you left in the fire_    
_Are you raising yourself_    
_Above your father's empire.”_  

 

Jade had sat down and I stood in front of her staring into the endless emerald green irises I feel in love with at first sight.   
   
_AA: “I want to know who ever broke you_    
_I want to know how you can grow bigger_    
_Don't go looking for some kind of rescue_    
_You are the only one who can save you.”_    
 

Jade and I sang in unison, our harmony the perfect blend of hard and soft between our two voices as the intertwined together with the melody. 

   
_AA and GG: “We are, we are more than our scars_    
_We are, we are more than the sum of our parts_    
_We are, we are more than our scars_    
_We are, we are more than the sum of our parts.”_  

 

Jade moved to the far left side of the couch and I sat on the right.   
 

 _AA: “I burn bright_  

 _I burn bright_  

 _I burn bright.”_  

 

Both Jade and myself moved so we sat cross crossed facing each other on the window seat. Jade took my hands in hers and squeezed them softly. She sang gently to me, her gaze softening with the evening sun in the window. 

   
_GG: Look how bright we are_    
_Look at all the things we have come from_    
_Sometimes it hurts when you become them_    
_Sometimes I bury myself in my own wreckage and_    
_Don't want to come out_    
_Which part of you is still in the wreckage?_    
_Which part of you clipped your own wings?_    
_Which part of you will begin at your own end?_    
_Which part of you will you let live again?”_    
 

Jade’s voice faltered away and I sang the chorus in a sweet faintness that was much unlike my character. 

   
_AA: We are, we are more than our scars_    
_We are, we are more than the sum of our parts.”_  

 

Jade joined in with my again and we sang to each other now having such a perfect understanding of one another, of our trials and tribulations and the strengths and weakness.  

   
_AA and GG: “We are, we are more than our scars_    
_We are, we are more than the sum of our parts.”_  

 

Our voices started to become dim as we brought the song to a close.   
   
_AA and GG: “More than our scars_    
_More than the sum of our parts_    
_More than our scars_    
_More than the sum of our parts.”_  

 

I leaned in and kissed Jade innocently, her lips like supple flower petals in spring. I smiled as I leaned back, our hands still laced together. There was a knock at the door and Jade looked at me in confusion. 

 

“I’ll get it!” She hopped up from her seat and galloped downstairs in giddy thumps, opening the door and exchanging words with someone. “Come on in! Aradia! Roxy is here!” 

 

“I’ll make coffee!” I called back walking into the kitchen and starting a fresh pot of coffee. 

 

The two girls jogged upstairs and Roxy took a seat on the chaise, staring out the window and drawing doodles in the layer of fog over the glass. I poured two cups of coffee for me and Roxy and mixed a glass of hot chocolate for Jade. The girls took their mugs and sipped at them readily as I enjoyed my own cup. 

 

“Roxy is everything okay?” Jade asked. 

 

Roxy stopped drinking for a moment and set her cup on the windowsill. “They’re releasing Rose from the hospital tomorrow morning. They said she’s recovering well.” 

 

“And what is wrong with that?” I asked. 

 

“After our mother passed away from liver cancer I gave up drinking and so did Rose. I built this idea that the death of our mom was the worst possible thing that could happen to this family,” She paused and looked at us solemnly “and then Rose got her tumor. Now I can’t help but think of all these terrible things that could happen to her and I’m so scared.” 

 

“Have you taken a drink?” I inquired. 

 

Roxy looked furious. “Never. I’ve been clean for too many years now to give that up.” 

 

“Then focus on that.” Jade suggested. 

 

“I skipped AA tonight.” 

 

“I’m sitting right here.” I pointed out. 

 

“She means Alcoholics Anonymous.” Jade clarified. 

 

“Oh. I didn’t know you were even in AA.” I said in surprise. 

 

“That’s the perk of the anonymous part.” Roxy shrugged. 

 

There was a long silence filled by clinking mugs and the occasional sip and sigh. Finally, Roxy began to sing quietly to herself. She circled a doodle of two girls on a cloud, humming the melody out loud. 

 

 _TG_ _: “_ _M_ _illions_ _of girls float on their one quote_    
_Living on their last hope, on their last hope."_  

 

She looked over her shoulder at us for a second before turning back to her drawings on the window. She drew a heart around a drawing of herself and Rose as stick figures, a heart and a pair of lungs was drawn on Rose and Roxy had little cat ears sketched on her head. 

   
_TG: "I live my life inside a dream_    
_Only waking when I sleep_    
_I would sell my sorry soul, if I could have it all._ "   
 

She drew a spot light on a stick figure girl standing on a stage alone. 

 

 _TG: "My life is a play, is a play, is a play_    
_My life is a play, is a play, is a play."_  

 

She turned to me an Aradia, standing up and swaying around to her song, her face still hollow with sadness. She tried to smile and ruffled her hair with her hands as she spun around. 

   
_TG: "Yeah I’ve been living in the state of dreaming_    
_living in a make-believe land_    
_living in the state of dreaming, of dreaming, of dreaming."_  

 

She hopped back onto the chaise and wrote "wonderful" in cursive on the window.   
   
_TG: "All I really want is to be wonderful._ " 

 

She wrote "cruel" in print with arrows pointing down at the buildings below. 

   
_TG: "People in this town they, they can be so cruel."_  

 

She drew herself again asleep on a cloud, little z's spiraling above the stick figures head. 

   
_TG: "I live my life inside a dream,_    
_only waking when I sleep_    
_If I could sell my sorry soul, I would have it all."_    
 

She went back to the drawing on the girl alone on stage a drew a proscenium around the girl, adding curtains to frame the stage. 

   
_TG: "My life is a play, is a play, is a play_    
_My life is a play, is a play, is a play."_  

 

She got up and danced around us, spinning and turning on her tip toes as she sang her song under a veil of happiness. 

   
_TG: "Yeah I’ve been living in the state of dreaming_    
_living in a make-believe land_    
_living in the state of dreaming, of dreaming, of dreaming."_  

 

She sat down on the chaise and crossed her legs, looking at me and Aradia with a subtle sadness in her eyes.   
   
_TG: "If only you knew my dear,_    
_How I live my life in fear_    
_If only you knew my dear,_    
_How I know my time is near."_  

 

She stood on top of the chaise and hopped up and down to her song, her hands messing up her hair as she did little spins.   
   
_TG: "Yeah I’ve been living in the state of dreaming_    
_living in a make-believe land_    
_living in the state of dreaming, of dreaming, of dreaming_    
_living in the state of dreaming_    
_living in a make-believe land_    
_living in the state of dreaming, of dreaming, of dreaming."_  

 

She sat down on her knees and sadly pressed a hand over the drawing of the girl on stage before dragging it across the glass slowly, smudging the image away.   
   
_TG: "My life is a play, is a play, is a play..."_  

 

I scoffed at her, the blonde turn to look at her in shock. Her mouth open in surprise pain. 

 

“Roxy don't be stupid. I know what it’s like to lose a sister! I lost my sister but you haven't!” I snapped. 

 

Rosy flinched at the sharp words. I let out another sigh and sat down next to Roxy. She looked at me for a while before I finally said something else. 

 

"You can't dwell on the what if's. It won't do you or Rose any good." I  said, sneaking a glance at Jade. "She's still here and you need to be there for her." 

 

Roxy nodded and reached for her mug, taking a long sip of coffee. She finally set her mug down and stood up, tucking hair behind her ear. 

 

"I should  go and clean up the house so it's nice when Rose get's home. Kanaya is probably too busy sewing to notice a mess." She mumbled and headed downstairs and out the front door.  

 

It slammed shut and Jade and I just stared at each other in surprise before Jade changed the silence. 

 

"Have you heard anything about the others?" I knew she was asking about Terezi, Vriska, and Tavros. 

 

"Their injuries were pretty extensive. I know Tavros's legs had far too much damage to be saved. They amputated just below his knees on both legs. Latula told me Terezi had a bleed in her brain and when they operated they found damage to the occipital lobe. When she woke up today she couldn't see and the damage was extreme, that's why she lost her vision. They couldn't save it and she has to cope with the changes in her life style." I said scrolling through Facebook looking at updates given. 

 

"Oh Jegus." I gasped. 

 

"What's wrong?" Jade asked plopping down next to me. 

 

"Vriska's arm was severed off completely and they tried to reattach it and they were successful despite of how damaged and ragged the wound was. Post operation she became dangerously septic. The infection was from her wound and they found her nerves dying. She's in surgery and Aranea says the chance she'll keep her arm is small." 

 

Silence flooded the room. It might've seemed morbid or off-putting that Jade and I could discuss these things so casually as if they happened everyday. It might've been perceived as morbid, even.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the next chapter, I actually had this one done months ago but hesitated on uploading it for a while also due to some grammatical errors and personal conflictions. I hope you enjoy this chapter and until the next one, Look Towards the Sun.
> 
> -AB  
> (P.S. for more updates, memes, cosplay fuckery, and general headassery, follow my instagram @AquariusBorealis. #shamelessselfpromo)


	8. //Colors Draft 1//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By sheer chance I happened to find my first few drafts of The Sound of Silence, then named Colors. For your enjoyment we will take a trip down memory lane as I read through my old drafts and make some notes and make fun of my general headassery from my past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the very first draft, TSOS has come a long way now. Looking back, not much made it into the final draft and it's interesting and also embarrassing to look back at my idiocy.

//Chapter One// 

 **[Hey everyone it's Felix!! While I was going through my documents on my laptop I happened to come across the first few drafts of The Sound of Silence so I decided to go through and make notes through them CinemaSins style. All of** **my notes will be bolded and in** **brackets! Let’s begin.]**  

 

“ _What does color mean to you?”_ **[Therapy flashback transcends into every draft.]**  

 

 _“Red is anger. Orange is fear. Yellow is surprise. Green is envy. Blue is sadness. Purple is happiness.”_ **[FUCK THIS]**  

 

 _“But what does color mean to you? The idea of colors and emotions, that’s all social construct. What does color mean to you?”_  

 

 _“Personally, I’ve always hated purple. You see it dappled across you skin enough times and you’d begin to hate it too._ **[Abuse? Fight  club** **?  I don't know.** **I don't think I knew what I was doing at the time. I sure as hell don't right now.]** _You see, I don’t get a choice now. Color is all I see anymore. When people speak the color is inevitable. It’s everywhere and I only stop seeing it when there is silence, I’m even seeing it now_ _.”_ **[Synesthete Jade hint.]**  

 

 _“Maybe that was a bad question. What about the accident? Can we discuss that?”_  

 

 _“It wasn’t my fault.”_  

 

 _“I never said it was.”_ **[** **Welp** **… this is awkward.]**  

 

 _There was a pause._  

 

 _“Can you tell me what happened?”_  

 

 _“It all happened so fast.”_  

 

 _“Start at the beginning for me then_ _,_ _tell me what lead you to be here, on the streets and hopping between shelters.”_ **[Homeless Jade]**  

 

 _“So fast. It was so fast. I couldn’t stop it even if I tried.”_  

 

 _“Help me understand. Tell me from the start, if you can. Please.”_  

 

I opened my eyes as my alarm when off sending silver sparking **[** **Chrom** **esth** **esia** **]** across my room in sparks as the trills of my clock grew steadily louder. My hand slammed down on my clock making it shut off and the silver go away just as quickly as it had begun. I pulled myself out of bed tiredly and dragged myself over to my closet, opening it to see all of my clothing organized in rainbow order. **[Neat freak Jade? No. Just appreciative of color.]** My fingers ran over each piece of fabric until I decided it was a sky blue sort of night. I pulled out my sky blue overalls and pulled them on over a white button up with various birds all over it and an atrocious yet warm oversized mustard yellow sweater. **[Atrocious yet warm is how some people would describe me. Boom. Self roasted.]** I pulled on mismatched socks and my favorite pale green converse I picked up at a thrift store a few years back. I fixed my eyeliner, sliding on my large round glasses, and grabbed some iced coffee from my fridge before getting in my car and driving to the radio station. **[Knock knock. Who’s there?** **Reoccurring** **radio station.]**  

When I arrived  I climbed out of my car with more energy pulsing through my veins. I lugged my guitar **[Jade plays guitar: canon.]** from the backseat and into the radio station. I closed the door to my studio and turned on the light over the door way signaling I was going live. I set my guitar down beside my chair and began setting up the booth before heading in. I selected a few tapes and vinyl’s **[Hipster Jade.]** and carried them with me, slipping a tape into the player and sitting down at my chair, putting the music on the table near me. I slid my headphones on over my ears and turned my mic on live. 

 

“This is Jade English live from SURR 413 **[** **Skaia** **University Radio Room 413. Ah… 413. It will never go away.]**. Let’s get those tunes playing.” I clicked play and let the tape ride out all its tracks as I sat on mute, words from each of the songs sent colors across my eyes in so many shades and tints. **[Synesthesia.]** I smiled. When the track ended I ejected it and turned my mic on. 

 

“It’s time for my live song. I’m playing a new one for all of you listening across the United States.” **[That’s… that's not possible? Is it?]** I grabbed my guitar and walked into the sound booth, adjusting my guitar before beginning. “This one is called New Americana.” **[Halsey.]**  

 

I raised the remote and pressed play, the sound of drumsticks hitting together filled the room and my voice on the recording counted aloud. **[This was based off of the stripped version. I think it was live from BBC Radio?? Can't remember exactly.]**  

 

1… 2… 

 

I started playing bass low and smooth, the piano I recorded at my apartment filling in the gaps softly as well. I swallowed and opened my mouth, singing softly as I strummed my bass guitar. 

 

 _“Cigarettes and tiny liquor bottles,_  

 _Just what you’d expect inside her_ _new_ _Balenciaga._  

 _Viral mess turned dreams into an empire._  

 _Self-mad_ _e_ _success now she rolls with Rockefellers._  

 

 _Survival of the richest, the city’s ours until the fall._  

 _They’re Monaco and Hamptons bound, but we don’t feel like outsiders at all._  

 

 _We are the N_ _ew Americana_  

 _High on legal marijuana._  

 _Raised on Biggie and Nirvana_  

 _We are the N_ _ew Americana._ _”_  

 

All the words filled my booth in flashes of colors both dull and neon bright **[Drink every time Jade has a synesthesia reaction.]**. The drums came in clearly, thumping to the bass and piano. 

 

 _“Young James Dean, some say he looks just like his father_  

 _But he could never love somebody’s daughter._  

 _Football team, he loved more than just the game_  

 _So he vowed to be his husband at the altar._  

 

 _Survival of the richest, the city’s ours until the fall._  

 _They’re Monaco and Hamptons bound, but we don’t feel like outsiders at all._  

 

 _We are the New Americana_  

 _High on legal marijuana._  

 _Raised on Biggie and Nirvana_  

 _We are the New Americana.”_  

 

I stopped playing bass and the drums stopped in the background only leaving the piano and my voice.  

 

 _“We know very well who we are, so we hold it down when summer starts._  

 _What kind of dough have you been spending?_  

 _What kind of bubblegum have you been blowing lately?”_  

 

The bass and drums came back in as the song neared its end. 

 

 _“We are the New Americana_  

 _High on legal marijuana._  

 _Raised on Biggie and Nirvana_  

 _We are the New Americana.”_  

 

I stopped playing bass as the drums cut off leaving just piano for the end. 

 

 _“We are the New Americana_  

 _High on legal marijuana._  

 _Raised on Biggie and Nirvana_  

 _We are the New Americana.”_  

 

The piano finished and the tape ended. 

 

There was a knock on the glass and I saw Dave waving at me. 

 

“This has been Jade English playing live from SURR 413. Thanks for listening in color.” **[LMAO. Synesthesia jokes.]**  

 

I turned off my mic and hopped out of the sound booth **[Originally Dave wasn't mentioned yet. In fact, Jade was given time off by her boss and she went to the graveyard where her entire family was buried.** **Everyone** **was dead. Hi, Mr. Happy Go Lucky is out sick today. I'm his replacement** **Mr. Doom and Gloom.]**  

 

 **[Let’s recap.** **Jade is a synesthete who works at a radio station apparently with Dave now. Yay. In the early drafts, she was going to be sent a post card by drunk Roxy to her address which is Roxy’s old address. But then I discovered Sheepdog and I got torn between that and Light Between Space aka** **KanayxRosexJade.]**  

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second draft will be up following this post. Thank you for supporting my weirdness and general fuckery. For more updates and behind the scenes during the creation of The Sound of Silence, follow my instgarm @AquariusBorealis. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, you know where I am.
> 
> -AB


	9. //Colors Draft 2//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By sheer chance I happened to find my first few drafts of The Sound of Silence, then named Colors. For your enjoyment we will take a trip down memory lane as I read through my old drafts and make some notes and make fun of my general headassery from my past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second draft of Colors was so much darker. ((Not that The Sound of Silence is any better.)) Enjoy the edgy second draft of colors.

//Chapter One// 

 **[** **Hey everyone it's Felix!! While I was going through my documents on my laptop I happened to come across the first few drafts of The Sound of Silence so I decided to go through and make notes through the** **m CinemaSins style.** **All of** **my notes will be bolded and in** **brackets! Let’s begin.]**  

 

“ _What does color mean to you?”_ **[The therapy flash back never goes away. Yikes™]**  

 

 _“Red is anger. Orange is fear. Yellow is surprise. Green is envy. Blue is sadness. Purple is happiness.”_ **[This is juST FUCKING STUPID** **.]**  

 

 _“But what does color mean to you? The idea of colors and emotions, that’s all social construct. What does color mean to you?”_  

 

 _“Personally, I’ve always hated purple. You see it dappled across you skin enough times and you’d begin to hate it too. My life has become void of color. Gray is all I see, cloudy days, wet pavement, concrete buildings. Everything is gray. What does color mean to me?_ _Nothing._ _I only see the absence of color.”_ **[And there is the hint at colorblind Jade.]**  

 

 _“_ _I forgot about that, I’m sorry._ _Maybe that was a bad question. What about the accident? Can we discuss that?”_  

 

 _“It wasn’t my fault.”_  

 

 _“I never said it was.”_  

 

 _“Can you tell me what happened?”_ **[I still have no idea what happened.]**  

 

 _“It all happened so fast.”_  

 

 _“Start at the beginning for me then tell me what lead you to be here, on the streets and hopping between shelters.”_ **[Homeless Jade reference.]**  

 

 _“So fast. It was so fast. I couldn’t stop it even if I tried.”_  

 

 _“Help me understand. Tell me from the start, if you can. Please.”_  

 

I woke up as the train jolted me awake. I wiped my eyes behind my glasses and sat up, I watched as the world rushed around me in a dull blur. When the train came to a stop I rose from my seat and grabbed my bags in silence before climbing off the train. I walked through the town , stopping by the shitty convenience store to pick up some cigarettes before finding a bench to crash on until I could find a ride. **[Edge Lord™** **Jade Harley.]** I lit up a cig  and took a slow drag, I exhaled and let the smoke warm my skin. I flicked the ash from the bud before putting it out on the bench and saving it for later. When I truck pulled up I raised my hand, signaling to the driver. **[Sketchy as fuck** **. No common sense used here.]**  

 

“Can I get a ride from you?” 

 

“Where to?” 

 

“Up the mountains to Skaia University.” 

 

“Can you pay for gas?” 

 

I fished a hundred out of my wallet and held it up. “Is this to your liking?” **[Homeless Jade somehow got into college and had $100 on hand.]**  

 

“Hop in.” 

 

I tossed my bags into the bed of the pickup truck and clambered into the passenger seat of the rusty pickup. I stuck the bills into the visor over the drivers head before putting my headphones on and spending the rest of the ride in silence. When I arrived I thanked the driver quietly before climbing out of the truck and grabbing my belongings from the back and heading towards the main building. The college had very gothic architecture and with the summer rain showers bathing the campus it looked appropriate. **[Skaia** **University** **is based off of Berry College** **in North Georgia.]** I hauled my bags into the building and stopped by general information to get my room assignment and class schedule. 

About 80% of what I told the clerk was lies. I didn’t feel bad at all, emotions rolled off my skin like water on duck feathers and I had become comfortably numb to everything. Lying didn’t bother me, not one bit, not since I had been doing it for as long as I can remember. **[Homeless Jade is a lying dick.]** I read the building and room number assigned to me and headed that way. I was put near the back of the campus in a rather old building with lots of character. Or some shit like that. **[DICK!]** I walked up a few flights of stairs before coming to my floor and finding my room. I unlocked the door and pushed my way in. I dropped my bags on my side of the room, the other already claimed and covered in a slew of negative images. 

 

“A photographer. Great.” **[SARCASTIC DICK** **!!]**  

 

“And you must be my roommate.” 

 

I turned around, my eyes meeting with the maroon irises **[Colorblind Jade knows the color of Aradia’s eyes??]** of a girl slightly shorter than I. Her black hair was in thick curls that framed her face in silky ringlets. 

 

“Aradia Megido.” 

 

“Jade English.” **[Homeless Jade is also using a fake identity. Identity theft? Past Felix what the hell were you thinking?]**  

 

“Pleasure. And you major is…?” Aradia inquired. 

 

“Music.” 

 

She nodded slowly. “Must be gifted.” **[College is exclusive? Homeless Jade got into am exclusive college?]** Her eyes looked around my body and examined my bags. “No personal possessions? Aren’t you going to decorate your side?”  

 

“I don’t own any.” I said with a stoic scowl on my face. **[Jesus fuck. Accurate homeless Jade finally.]**  

 

I pulled out my unfinished cigarette and lit it, opening the window in out dorm to let the smoke escape as I exhaled. 

 

“Mind if I bum a cig off you?” Aradia asked. **[Edge Lord™ Aradia.]**  

 

I shrugged and extended the pack to her, letting her take one and light it with my lighter. We smoked in silence for a few minutes before my phone began to ring. I put the bud out on the windowsill and placed my ashtray in the window for Aradia’s convenience before checking my phone. I answered the call and took it out into the hallway. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Miss _Harley_ I presume.” **[Plot thickens.]**  

 

I stiffened. “Who is this?” 

 

There was a pause. “Your lawyer. We have a couple questions for you. We’ll be in touch.” **[I don't know where this was going honestly.]**  

 

My mouth went dry as the line went dead. I stared at the number and composed myself before walking back into my dorm. 

 

“Who was that?” Aradia asked flicking ash off her cigarette. 

 

“Wrong number.” I put my phone in my pocket. 

 

“A few of us are getting together tonight to celebrate the start of the semester. Do you want to come?” Aradia asked finishing off her cig and putting it in the ashtray. 

 

“Yeah sure. Why not?” I stretched myself out and ran my hands through my short, messily cut hair. **[Homeless Jade chopped off her hair. Accurate???]** It was in choppy layers no thanks to me for my sloppy job at cutting it. 

 

“Well.” Aradia raised her eyebrows. 

 

“Well what?” I asked. 

 

“Well what are you wearing?” she asked.  

 

“What’s wrong with this?” I looked down at my clothing. I was wearing a loose black overall jumpsuit and a white shirt with some old gas station logo on the top pocket, and my converse. 

 

“For one thing you’re wearing overalls.” Aradia pointed out. 

 

“For your information, overalls are extremely comfortable.” **[Only on occasion.]**  

 

Aradia rolled her eyes. “You are not going out looking like that.” Her eyes lit up, “I have the perfect dress for you!” 

 

She leaped off her bed and threw the draws of her dresser open, pulling items out quickly until she found what she was looking for. She turned around and gave me a little black item. 

 

“Tell me this is a shirt.” **[It’s called fashion. Look it up.]**  

 

“It will stretch when you put it on.” Aradia insisted while looking for something she could wear. 

 

I regretfully stripped down and slid on the small dress, it thankfully stretched over my body. I looked in the mirror and held in a gasp of surprise. The dress had thin straps like  a tank top and a bustier style top that laced up. It accentuated all my curves even though it was painfully short, barely reaching mid-thigh on me. 

 

“Oh saucy.” **[Dear God.]** Aradia smirked and tugged on her own dress. It was a tight coral **[COLORBLIND JADE HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THIS? To be fair it would be weird to say gray dress with darker gray shoes and gray lipstick etc etc** **etc.]** bodycon dress with a flouncy upper layer over her shoulders and a deep v in the front to reveal a little cleavage. Crisscrosses between either side of the v maintained some modesty but it was dangerously short. 

 

“Here.” She handed me some black strappy stiletto heels as she laced up her faux suede nude wedges.  

 

“What do you think?” I asked. 

 

“Lose the glasses and you could totally get laid tonight.”  She smirked and rose from her bed again, grabbing her phone and tossing her hair. She sprayed some perfume on both of us and did a quick twirl. 

 

“We are smoking hot. I would have sex with me.” **[Hi. Yes. This is Aradia not Damara. Thank you.]** She did a few poses and touched up her lipstick before pulling me over so we could stand side by side in the mirror. “Look.” She said. 

 

I stared and smiled. “Not bad.” 

 

Aradia took my glasses off and tossed them onto my bed. “That’s better.” **[Aradia is a dick to glasses.]** She gave me a small white envelope style clutch to put my wallet and cigarettes in before grabbing her own belongings and heading towards the door. **[Bitch. You're going to a college party with a clutch? Jesus Fucking Christ.]**  

 

“Are you coming?” She asked. 

 

I nodded. “Right behind you.” I followed her out the door and across campus, feeling overly exposed in my dress. When we reached Aradia’s car we climbed in and drove to the party in a comfortable silence. When we pulled up to the house where the party was already in full swing my stomach knotted up. **[Tardy to the party.]**  

 

“If you want to leave at any time, come find me and I’ll take you home. If I’m drunk take my keys and drive me home.” **[Jade is the designated driver.]**  

 

I grabbed my clutch and forced myself out of the car. I could feel the bass  of the music in my chest as I walked through the front doors on the house. Lights flashed and sweaty bodies crowded the rooms, dancing and grinding together. **[This is nothing like the parties I've been to.** **I don't care what the media shows but this doesn't seem realistic. But, okay, past Felix. Whatever you say, kiddo.]** A blonde across the room caught my eyes, her silver **[Drink every time Jade sees a color.]** bodycon dress hugged her curves and her black lipstick shined alluringly at me. I was tempted to go talk to her until a tall black haired beauty approached her and kissed her rather affectionately. **[Canon Rosemary.]** I pulled my gaze away and walked to where the beverages were, taking one and sipping at it carefully as I crossed the dance floor to the other end of the house.  

I pushed open the side door and pressed my back against the wall, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it quietly. I pulled it from my lips and exhaled a cloudy breath. I smoked until I was on my third cig **[Someone give Jade an intervention before she kills herself.]** and someone plucked it from my fingers loose grasp. I watched as the blonde from before leaned against the wall next to me, smoking my cig lazily. They only caught my gaze once or twice, glancing over at me every so often as we stood in the crisp fall air. **[Does everyone smoke? Jesus Christ.]**  

 

The blonde dropped the cig and grinded it beneath her heels before extending a hand to me, “I’m Rose.” 

 

“Pleasure.” I shook her hand and crossed my arms. 

 

“What are you looking to major in?” She asked, her voice was smooth like honey, sweet and laid on thick. **[I’ve used that line too many times.]**  

 

“Music. You?” 

 

“Same.” She was very nonchalant about it. “Are you a singer? Composer? Instrumentalist?” **[That’s in TSOS.]**  

 

“All of the above. I’d like to think I’m a jack of all trades and master of none.” **[“Which is better than being master of one.”]** I said, my fingers fumbling with the rest of the cigarettes in my pack. The nicotine high was hitting me. **[You smoked three cigarettes. Suck it up.]**  

 

“I’m a composer and instrumentalist. I play the violin and I’ve been playing since I was very young. I suppose my mother only signed me up for violin lessons to get me out of the house but I’d like to believe it was because she loved me and thought I was talented at something.” **[Mommy issues.]** Rose took a breath. “My brother, Dave, he is a composer of sorts too. He attends this university as well and is majoring in Music but what he does it most peculiar. He enjoys the art of being a disk jockey **[He’s basically Shawn Wasabi.]** and works at the local campus radio station. **[Radio station again.]** You might have classes with him, I’m in all advanced music courses already.” She shrugged. **[We get it, Rose, you're talented.]**  

 

“I started playing when I was young too. I got my first guitar when I was twelve.” I said. 

 

 _You STOLE your first guitar when you were twelve._ **[Self roast.]**  

 

“I learned to play on my own and it just sort of stuck. I’ve written a few things but I’ve never finished a song before.” I shrugged. My life wasn’t exactly fairytale material and I was determined to keep that to myself. **[Bitch. You're talking to a born psychiatrist.]**  

 

Rose just stared at me as if she could see right through me. For a moment we remained like that in silence, my cheeks slowly heating up as her purple **[Drink.]** irises studied me for a long while. The feeling I said too much make my skin crawl. 

 

I pulled myself away from the house, “I have to go.” 

 

 I walked around the side, pulling off my heels as I walked and looking for Aradia. I found her inside simply fuming over something.  When she saw me she leaped up from her seat and raced over to me, her hand latching around my wrist and pulling me out the door and to her car, tossing me in. We drove home in silence, Aradia was angry over something I didn’t want to ask about, and when we arrived we sat in the car for a solid hour. I stared at my hands until Aradia spoke up. 

 

“Someone called me a peasant.” **[Boy… this escalated quickly.]**  

 

I looked up at her in confusion. 

 

“Of course you don’t understand.” She sighed sadly and pointed to her rust red irises. “Red blood is a sign of low social status. It’s a sign of peasantry and we’re the untouchables.” **[Social classes. Person vs Person. Person vs Society.]**  

 

“I have red blood.” I said, my thumb running over the veins poking at the skin on my wrists. 

 

“You’re a human. The rest of us live my different rules. Blood color determines your stand in the social caste whether you like it or not.” Aradia looked away from  me, “That’s why I like negatives… no color.” **[Ooh. Smooth.]**  

 

 _“What does color mean to you?”_  

 

 _“I hate color.”_ **[Bitch you can't even see it. Shut up.]**  

 

“Let’s go inside.” I say pulling myself out of my thoughts. 

 

Aradia nods and follows  me into our dorm where she collapses in bed. I shake my head and pull her sheets over her, letting her go to sleep while I remained awake. **[Mommy material.]** I opened the boxes I brought and sift through their contents. I pulled out a couple old notebooks used for song writing and a couple dozen music textbooks I stole from various libraries. **[Homeless Jade is a dick to libraries.]** I put them under my bed and pulled out my electric guitar which was covered in a thin film of dust. I wiped some of it away and stared at my reflection on the surface of the instrument only to turn away and shove it under my bed too. I wiped my hands off as I continued going through my few belongings and tearing up slightly. I was living in a web of lies. **[Someone has problems.** **Someone needs to throw a lamp at Jade so she can lighten the fuck up.]**  

I forced myself to wipe off my makeup and change into a shirt that I said belonged to my old high school, but I had never been. **[Fake high school memorabilia. Was Jade a witness in witness protection or something? We may never know.]** I buried myself under my sheets and slept until my alarm went off and Aradia shook me awake. She looked somewhat better but there were dark circles under her eyes. She was already dressed and waited on me as I pulled on  

 

 **The end! So let's recap: Jade was homeless and is a huge dick as well as colorblind. Aradia is a photograph hoe and Tumblr art hoe basically. Rose is a** **mysterious love interest and Kanaya is just in the way. Not much of this carried over to The Sound of Silence.]**  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for putting up with this trash from my past. The next chapter of TSOS should be up soonn hopefully. Until then, Look Towards the Sun.
> 
> -AB


	10. //Jade//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose's plot thickens. Vriska's truth is told. Jade becomes her complete opposite. How much worse can things get? Be careful what you wish for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry. This is only one of a few major plot twists to come. I hope you enjoy and leave me some comments and suggestions on this chapter as I go forth with this hell. :) Can you guess what Jade's secret is?

[ **Stay** : Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko] 

 

I watched in horror as Aradia kicked off her heels and climbed up on the ledge of the hotel building. We were eating lunch together on the roof when Aradia decided to do something reckless. 

 

"Don't worry." She said, "I've done this before." 

 

"Aren't you scared?" 

 

"Of what? Dying?" She looked over her shoulder at me with a raised eyebrow. "I've already died once. I know what's beyond the white light." She made air quotations. "I don’t have anything to be afraid of really." 

 

I watched attentively as she walked along the edge and hummed to herself as if she was just taking a stroll in the park. I checked the time of my phone screen before dusting off my pants and gathering up my belongings. 

 

"I have to go. Roxy asked me to watch Rose." 

 

Aradia scoffed. "She doesn’t need a babysitter. She's 22 for fucks sake." 

 

"I don't even think she knows I'm coming." My ears flattened and my tail drooped. 

 

"Cheer up, baby." Aradia called as I turned and ran down the stairs. 

 

When I made it out of the hotel I hurried down the street to Roxy's townhouse. I walked up the stairs and straightened my clothes. Before I could knock on the door it swung open to reveal the paint covered Roxy Lalonde. 

 

"Come on in! Watch your step!" She called turning and walked through her house. 

 

I closed the door behind me and followed the bubbly blonde through her cluttered house. The walls were lined with stacks of canvases in every room and paint mediums were scattered just as haphazardly. Roxy led me into the kitchen where she began washing the paint that coated her hands up to her elbows. She smiled at me as she dried her hands on a towel and slipped off her oversized paint covered flannel and tied it around her waist. 

 

“Rose is upstairs working on something or other. She knows her schedule so no worries there.” Roxy rummaged around the art supplies in search of something as she spoke. 

 

Her house was a living oxymoron: an organized mess. I wasn't sure how she found anything but I knew that the blonde knew exactly where everything was in her house.  The cheery girl smiled at me as she proceeded to tidy up her art supplies as much as she could, which was realistically very little. 

 

“I have to go. My class starts soon and I'd hate to be late again.” Roxy said gathering her bag and taking an iced coffee from the fridge. 

 

“Does Rose know I'm here?” I asked 

 

“Uh…” Roxy laughed awkwardly and stepped around me. “Good luck!” She smacked a kiss on my cheek as raced out the door leaving me in the kitchen alone. 

 

I walked into the hall and stared up the stairs to the second floor. I debated just leaving but I knew Roxy would hack my computer and I didn’t want to anger her. I finally managed the guts to walk upstairs in search of the other blonde. I found Rose in the study on her laptop writing something. She was wearing a black bralette, heavily distressed skinny jeans, and a long black sweater. Her skin had a better pallor, her cheeks more rosy, but her face looked bare without her signature black lipstick. Her hair was pulled back with her usual black hairband and her nails were covered in chipped purple nail polish. She stopped typing and looked at me. 

 

“Did Roxy ask you to babysit?” She asked. 

 

“I thought you knew.” I said guiltily. 

 

Rose shrugged, “Doesn’t matter now. I have a doctors appointment and I would rather appreciate it if I wasn't late.” She stood up from her seat and I got a better view of the long pink scar down the front of her chest that had two smaller scars at the bottom of it. 

 

Rose noticed me staring and ran a hand down the length of her scar, poking lightly at the two smaller ones before looking up and addressing me. 

 

"Open heart surgery left quite a massive scar didn't it?" Before I could answer she continued, pointing to the two round scars on either side of the bottom of the long one, "The chest tubes were the worst." She walked around me and down the hall, leaving me in the study alone as she shouted back at me, "I'm going to put a shirt on." 

 

I stood there baffled. My fingers pressed at something under my shirt and I felt my throat close slightly. I dropped my hand and cleared my throat in attempt to keep it together. When Rose came back she stopped in the doorway as she pulled the sleeves of her sweater down, she was now adorned in a grey Henley top. She buttoned up the front, leaving three or four undone as she spoke to me. 

 

"Let's go." She jogged down the stairs and grabbed her keys from the hook by the door. 

 

I followed her down the stairs and out the door, closing it behind me with a fairly loud bang. Rose led the way to the hospital in silence and ever so often she would look back at me to see if I was still following her. When we arrived at the front of the building she stopped and stared up at it. 

 

"Last time I was here they removed a tumor from my lung and I went into cardiac arrest." She looked back at me, "Just another bad day." She took a breath and walked through the automatic doors into the ER. 

 

Last time I was here I watched three of my friends get wheeled in after a deadly car accident. If I thought I was traumatized, I could only imagine how they felt. I followed Rose as she was directed through the halls to the main part of the hospital. We sat in the waiting room for a good hour flipping through magazines and watching some movies playing on TV. When they called Rose's name we both stood up and followed a polite nurse to a room were Rose was to be examined post op. 

 

"You don't have to sit through this," Rose said. 

 

I stopped outside the door just as it swung closed. I looked around the hall and decided to walk around and possibly find Terezi, Tavros, or Vriska since I knew they had been staying here for an extended time for physical therapy. I trolled through the halls on my own glancing into rooms as I passed and trying to keep myself unnoticed. I saw a glimpse of familiar horns and I stopped and stood in the doorway, unnoticed by the resident or guest in the room. Vriska sat on her bed facing John, who was her moirail. Vriska's face was sunken in, her skin was a dull gray with a sickly blue, and she looked emaciated. As she spoke to the human boy she seemed to tremble until he began to play the piano via an app on his iPad. 

 

"Just feel the music flow through you," he said, "let it help you express the words you can't say to Terezi." He played the notes again, Vriska swaying slightly to them with her eyes shut. 

 

 _AG: "All along it was a fever_    
 _A cold sweat, hot headed believer."_  

 

Vriska opened her eyes slowly, I could only see the right side of her face, her blue iris was almost milky and ghostly. She hung her head slightly, her hair, which was tangly and greasy, fell into her eyes. 

   
 _AG: "I threw my hands in the air I said show me something_    
 _She said, if you dare come a little closer."_    
 

The blue-blood raised her head ever so slightly, you could barely see the light glinting against her eyes from behind the veil her hair created over her face. 

   
 _AG: "Round and around and around and around we go_    
 _Oh now tell me, now tell me, now tell me now you know."_  

 

 Her right hand raised to wipe her left eye, rubbing at the socket before she froze, her fingers lifting away and dropping back into her lap. Her eyes shifted over to me lazily and studied me for a second, the left side of her face hidden in shadows as her pupils pierced as me from across the room. Her behavior seemed paradoxical, the usually crass and clumsy girl was now a stale, hollow projection of who she was before. Her eyes moved away from me and back to John and my ears flattened against my head. 

   
 _AG: "Not really sure how to feel about it_    
 _Something in the way you move_    
 _Makes me feel like I can't live without you_    
 _It takes me all the way."_    
 

Vriska's head turned to look out the window, her hand shielding her eyes from the rays that were filtered through the blinds. 

 

 _AG: "I want you to stay."_    
 

She looked at John again, almost in pity, before hunching over again. It occurred to me that, like Rose, Vriska is going through something more complex than I can understand. 

   
 _GB: "It's not much of a life you're living_    
 _It's not just something you take, it's given."_  

 

John's voice was a sweet falsetto, something that was rare in our group of musicians. As he sang, I swear, I could almost see her crying. 

   
 _GB: "Round and around, and around, and around you go_    
 _Oh now tell me, now tell me, now tell me, now you know."_    
 

Vriska finally piped up, her voice harmonizing with John's and you couldn’t' detect a tremor or slight falter in her voice, even as blue tears stained her cheeks and clothes. 

   
 _AG and GB: "Not really sure how to feel about it_    
 _Something in the way you move_    
 _Makes me feel like I can't live without you_    
 _It takes me all the way_    
 _I want you to stay."_    
 

They both took a breath, and John's fingers moved delicately across his iPad screen, churning out graceful notes on the piano app. 

   
 _AG and GB: "Oh the reason I hold on..."_  

 

Vriska wrapped a blanket around herself and used the sheet to wipe her damp cheeks. 

   
 _AG and GB: "Oh_ _'cause_ _I need this hole gone."_  

 

Vriska took a deep breath to try and compose her emotions. 

   
 _AG_ _: "Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving_    
 _'Cause_ _when you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving."_    
 

John looked at Vriska like she was a wounded puppy, behind his glasses you could see real sympathy in his eyes for his moirail. 

   
 _AG and GB: "Not really sure how to feel about it_    
 _Something in the way you move_    
 _Makes me feel like I can't live without you_    
 _It takes me all the way_    
 _I want you to stay, stay."_  

 

The boy's voice fell away and left the blue-blooded troll girl singing on her own, her voice now stumbling and stuttering. 

   
 _AG: "I want you to stay..._  

 _Oh..."_  

 

There was a long moment of silence before Vriska threw off her blanket and rose shakily up from her bed. John tried to reach over and stop her but she just batted angrily at the air near his hand. She turned to me with her teeth bared at me. 

 

"Get out!" She demanded. 

 

She tried to step towards me but her hip caught the side of the bed and she fell to the floor with a loud thud. She looked up at me, her hair now out of her eyes and I finally fully understood.  

 

"GET OUT!" She screamed. 

 

As I left the room I had the haunting image of Vriska on the floor of her hospital room stuck in my head. Not only was her left  arm amputated at the shoulder, but her left eye was nothing but a black pit where her iris used to be, the pretty blue torn away. I would later look it up and find out through much research that she had sustained aniridia from a penetrating eye injury during the crash. 

 

«ȺɃ» 

(Jade) 

 

I caught up with Rose and her doctor as they walked back to the waiting room. I listened to their conversation quietly as we waded through the bustling halls. 

 

"You're in good shape. Whatever you're doing, keep it up!"   
 

Rose had a look on her faced that seemed stoic but her eyes betrayed her unrelentingly. There was something about the way they looked that seemed like she disagreed with the Doctor. 

 

"Thank you, Dr. Robins," Rose smiled convincingly. "I will." 

 

There was a rift of awkwardness between the two and the look on Rose's face when Dr. Robin's looked away told me everything. She was hiding something and I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew that Rose couldn't focus or go forth with anything else until resolving whatever matter she was harboring inside herself. Dr. Robin's walked us back to the waiting room and dismissed Rose, telling her she could schedule another visit at the clinic next time instead of the hospital. Rose nodded and said she call but under her nonchalant facial expressions there was a disaster brewing inside her, I just didn't know it yet. As I walked back to Roxy's townhouse with Rose I had the urge to prod her about whatever she opted not to share with the doctor. I thought she could maybe confide to me about her situation but, then again, maybe not. 

When we got to the townhouse, Rose turned to face me, blocking me from the door. 

 

"You can go home." She said, her violet eyes narrowed. 

 

"Are you sure? I don't want to get in trouble with Roxy." I wanted to protest more, but Rose's glare silenced me. 

 

"I'll handle her," She turned to go inside before stopping and glancing over her shoulder, "Go." 

 

The door shut and I stood on the steps still, dazed from the bitterness of Rose's voice during the exchange. I decided to abide to her wishes, not wanted to antagonize the blonde anymore. I turned on my heel and decided to go to the record store and sit around until Aradia got off her shift. When I reached the bookstore it was deserted except for the Parcel Mistress inside. I ascended the stairs to find only Dave in his store, his brother, Dirk, was in class. He waved at me and I waved back. 

 

"How are you?" He asked as he organized bins of records. 

 

"I've been lying to everyone." The words tumbled from my mouth before I could stop them, and I stood there petrified with my mouth open. 

 

"Jade, what are you talking about?" I felt queasy as Dave stared me down. 

 

"I lied to everyone." I felt my eyes stinging but I didn't cry. My fingers pressed at my stomach again and I felt queasy. 

 

"I don’t understand." Dave kept his eyes on me and I stood rigidly in place. 

 

"About six months ago I left on a trip to Europe to visit my mum and brother. My brother is quite the adventurer," I laughed dryly, "Mum always kept us on a tight leash but it didn't stop Jake at all until I left for the states." I took a breath, "Jake was enlisted in the army before I left, he won't talk about what exactly happened while he was over seas but it was something major. The physical scars are nothing compared to his psychological ones. He was honorably discharged and came home. My mum owns a camp ground and he decided to lay low and work with her," 

 

 _"Well I run the office..."_  

 

"managing the cabins and grounds." 

 

 _"and tend the cabins and grounds."_  

 

"He loved it there." 

 

 _"And do errands for my mother, the ones she allows I might be capable of doing."_  

 

"He didn't miss the adventures." 

 

 _"And do you_ _go out with friends?"_  

 

"He didn't miss it at all..." 

 

 _"Well... a boys_ _best_ _friend_ _is his mother."_  

 

"I was never allow to do those things. I was the little girl so I was kept away from mischief. I traveled back to England to visit my mum and Jake before going on a camping expedition on my own. I decided to tackle a major cave system in France but my courage got the better of me. As I descended into one of the caverns my ropes began to fray. It jerked me around, slamming me into all kinds of protruding rocks. One rock even  tumbled over the edge and concussed me while I was still in mid air. Then my ropes snapped. I plunged forty feet to the floor. My elbow was dislocated and I shattered my ankle. I didn't know that when I was a ragdoll in midair I ruptured my spleen. I was internally bleeding out into my abdomen." With quivering hands I lifted my shirt to reveal a thick scar that started below my ribs and descended all the way down to the edge of my pants. 

 

I couldn't see the shock in Dave's eyes behind his glasses but I could only imagine. "How long were you there?" 

 

"I spent six days in the cave in severe pain, the adrenaline wore off quickly. I spent the rest of my time away in and out of the hospital and a mental ward for my trauma." 

 

There was a long silence until I heard something hit the floor and my stomach dropped. I turned around and met the eyes of almost everyone in our oddball group. Aradia met mine and her face was twisted with grief. She turned and pushed through the crowd but my feet were glued to the floor. I was undoubtedly and absolutely mortified.  

 

 _"Sometimes we_ _deliberately_ _step into those traps."_  

 

I lived this lie for months, I let it fester and infect every aspect of my life. I adapted this persona of someone I wasn't and now I was screwed. I was undoubtedly and completely screwed. I didn’t walk into anything, I created it and grew into it until it became apart of my very being. 

 

 _"I was born in mine; I don't mind it anymore."_  

 

I tried to wrap my mind around the damage but I couldn't breathe right. I felt like I was on pure oxygen and it made my head hurt but the weight of the lie was lifted from my chest. However... I placed the weight onto someone else's shoulders. 

 

 _"Oh but you should, you should mind it."_  

 

I wasn't sure I was going to go but I knew that if I stayed here I was going to fall apart. I was already on thin ice. I was a tower made of glass waiting to be knocked over by the wind. I wasn't delicate or gentle I was rough and crass. I left Dave there, pushing through the crowd with my eyes stuck to the floor. I didn't know why, but I knew that if anyone stared to long, looked to closely, or glanced over to fiercely, I was going to cry. I was going to fall apart and there was no one there to catch me. I was a boat that was flooding and no matter how much water I dumped over the edge, I was still sinking. If anyone asked me how I was I knew I was going to fall into a series of sobbing and cursing, I was only angry at myself for letting it go this far. 

I knew better. I fucking knew better than this and I still did it. I was still doing so much worse and I hated how little I was remorseful about it. Was I satisfied with how I saved my skin? Was I pleased with my outstanding performance enough to give an encore? I don't know. I don't know a lot right now. I do know, however, that I am a liar and to rise above that would be a feat on its own. To repair my damaged relationships would be a war and I was going in without any armor, why should I care what happens to me after that? After _that._ I wanted to sleep for so long just so I could fantasize about an alternate reality where I had kept my façade together. 

I sat on a park bench at a bus stop deciding whether or not I should just go home for a while. Home didn't do me any good last time so what's the point in trying again? My negativity was coursing through my bones and I felt guilty about how gloomy I had gotten. My stomach felt like it had liquified inside of me and my heart had sank into it. My entire body was drained and I still knew that I was doing something so unbelievably wrong. I was out of character and I considered coming clean but I just felt so drowsy my thoughts felt like they were being muffled and my head was full of cotton. 

 

 _"Oh I do, but I say I don’t."_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy... that escalated quickly. You know what they say about hitting rock bottom. "There's no where to go but up." :)  
> \- AB  
> (Also follow my new Instagram for photography, feminist adventures, and part time boy killing. @boykillerextraordinaire.)


	11. //Aradia//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I don't think that that's a selfish want, I really don't. I'm not saying that I have this capacity because it's hard to develop that capacity on your own, when you're being stopped at every turn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a hot second since I posted a chapter and let me tell you, I had THE HARDEST TIME WITH THESE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS. I wrote this entire chapter FIVE. DIFFERENT. WAYS. The chapter after was the worst. I kept losing my progress and having to start over and it got so frustrating that I actually had to stop writing for a few months because I was so angry. So here you go: my blood, sweat, and literal tears.

//Chapter 9 : Aradia//  
[New Americana: Halsey (Stripped Version), Fake It: Bastille]

The sun beat down on my skin making it hot, and being a rust blood I was certainly hot enough as is. I fanned my face with a fan that was sent to me from Japan, no return address or anything. I heard soft chattering and looked across the street to see Jade with Feferi and Meenah as they left their house; she had been staying with them for a while now. She was wearing a sheer white maxi skirt with high waisted holographic bottoms, and a black bralette. Her dark hair was braided back in a loose braid with rainbow fabric woven and knotted in. A halo of rainbow flowers was adorned on her head and stacks of braided bracelets were layered up her arms. I looked away and turned into the park sharply.  
I felt my fingers pull at the ends of my braids, I had tried to do them the way Meenah showed me and had somewhat succeeded. I had woven in strands of pompoms into the three braids that pulled back my hair from my face, I clipped in a few colorful braids made from yarn, and had a crown of five large neon pompoms pinned into my hair. I had on a backless orange one-piece bathing suit and a pair of iridescent sequin shorts. Around my waist I had tied a jean jacket that was too big for me but I had thrifted it for the intricate flowers embroidered on the jacket in multiple colors. I could hear the music being blasted from the amphitheater that sat next to the river. As I got closer I could see a thick swarm of people collected around the stage as someone played.  
My stomach twisted. Dave got us spots in the show but I'd never performed in front of such a large crowd. I swallowed hard and ducked backstage. Dave was there with his 64 Midi Fighter and he looked over at me and waved. His pale blonde hair was streaked with chalk and his face and white shirt with covered in the same vibrant dust. A sky blue-blooded troll from the tech crew informed me on how the mic would work and that Dave would be with me on stage the entire time as DJ doing whatever he pleased. They laced an earpiece under my hair and placed in both of my ears. They explained that I'd be able to hear only myself and I could take one out if I wanted, I nodded as if I understood but their words didn´t resonate with me well. I exhaled a deep breath and watched as the previous artist exited the staged and passed me their mic.  
The little tech troll took my fan and checked the mic after taping it to my skin and pinning it to my pants. They walked with me to the edge of the wings, my heart a battering ram in my chest. I stared down at it with wide eyes before looking over at Dave who urged me on with a nod. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stepped out on stage. I imaged the crowd roaring around me and my heart felt like it was beating so hard it might shatter my ribcage. I watched Dave step into the booth and plug in his Midi Fighter. Behind me the numerous screens faded between psychedelic videos and in my ears I could hear the song swelling as it started. The song continued to play but I stood there, death-gripping the mic and looking like a deer in headlights.  
After swallowing hard I finally got out a small “I’m sorry,” before walking off stage. The music stopped and I heard suspicious and accusing murmurs flood through the crowd. Dave appeared beside me and put a hand on my back.

“Is everything okay? Dude, you look like crap.” He said.

“Suck my dick, Strider.” I spat.

There was a moment of silence before, “Is it because of Jade?”

I turned to him slowly, “I know you country folk aren’t very educated-“

“Fuck you”

“-But you should know that is none of your goddamn business.” I hissed.

He did the stupid thing he always does when I’m like this and raised his hands in defeat. I sighed heavily and straightened up.

“I need you to strip the song. Slow it down.” My heart hammered against my sternum.

“Can do.” Dave turned and walked back out earning screams of encouragement from the crowd.

I shuffled around backstage before I found a chair and dragged it out on stage, the scraping sound it made earning cringes but thankfully it wasn’t as bad as feedback. The sky blue-blooded troll brought out a mic stand for me and adjusted it to my height. Just as the music started I plopped down in the chair, a bass guitar and piano flowing from the speakers. My head nodded to the music before wrapping one of my hands around the mic and singing slowly.

_AA: " Cigarettes and tiny liquor bottles,_   
_Just what you'd expect inside her new Balenciaga._   
_Viral mess turned dreams into an empire._   
_Self-made success now she rolls with Rockefellers”_

My left hand held the mic as my right pressed against my diaphragm in a comforting way, my mouthing opening to take a breath.

_AA: “Survival of the richest, the city's ours until the fall._   
_They're Monaco and Hamptons bound, but we don't feel like outsiders at all.”_

Absentmindedly, my hands seemed to run through my thick curls, light fingers tugging and pulled the strands straight softly as I stretch up slowly to let my lungs expand with air hungrily. My eyes were half-lidded and my body was calm as I sang.

_AA: “We are the new Americana_   
_High on legal marijuana_   
_Raised on Biggie and Nirvana_   
_We are the new Americana.”_

Drums joined the other instruments and I glanced over my shoulder at Dave knowing that he was the one I referenced in the next few verses. Turning back towards the audience, my foot tapped against the stage to match the beat.

_AA: “Young James Dean, some say he looks just like his father,_   
_But he could never love somebody's daughter._   
_Football team loved more than just the game_   
_So he vowed to be his husband at the altar.”_

My hands moved from my hair to my chest where they pressed against my heart before I moved them into a shrug, my hands dropping into my lap.

_AA: “Survival of the richest, the city's ours until the fall._   
_They're Monaco and Hamptons bound but we don't feel like outsiders at all.”_

I pulled the mic out of the stand and the little tech troll scurried out to carry it off stage quickly. I crossed my knees and leaned back in my chair in a relaxed manner, my free arm draping over the back.

_AA: We are the new Americana_   
_High on legal marijuana_   
_Raised on Biggie and Nirvana_   
_We are the new Americana.”_

Rising slowly to my feet I began to walk down to the edge of the stage, kneeling down and reaching a hand out to the audience, many of them straining forward to even graze my fingers a little bit in response.

_AA: We know very well who we are, so we hold it down when summer starts._   
_What kind of dough have you been spending?_   
_What kind of bubblegum have you been blowing lately?”_

I stood back up, the chair gone because of the techie troll yet again. I marched up to the sound booth and pressed my back against the led screens making my back hotter than usual. My free hand stretched out across the screen as I sang the last few lyrics.

_AA: “We are the new Americana_   
_High on legal marijuana_   
_Raised on Biggie and Nirvana_   
_We are the new Americana.”_

All the instruments except the piano cut out and my hand dropped to my side as I peeled myself up from the screens and stood there for a moment, the last lines leaving my mouth softly.

_AA: “We are the new Americana_   
_High on legal marijuana_   
_Raised on Biggie and Nirvana_   
_We are the new Americana.”_

I panted quietly, “Thank you guys so much.” I laughed lightly as the crowd erupted in cheers. “Let’s give our dope DJ, Mr. Dave Strider, and applause.”

I looked at him, mouthing “I’m sorry” and earning a shrug. I knew he wouldn’t hold what I said against me. I was grateful Dave was so laid back otherwise I would be paying for my snarky comment.

“And one more thing,” I took a breath, “Let’s show the tech crew some love. Give them a huge round of applause!” I clapped too before raising the mic above my head and bowing.

Navigating backstage wasn’t too much of a hassle. The little sky-blue troll came over and took my mic off before returning my fan and letting me leave. On my way out of the venue I picked up a Mikes Hard Black Cherry Lemonade. The cool liquid lowering my body temperature significantly as I walked home. I stopped at a red light, unable to cross the street. My attention wandered until I found myself watching a clip on an vintage TV that sat inside a thrift store. It was a clip from “Social Seminars: Changing.”

_“And I don't think that that's a selfish want, I really don't. I'm not saying that I have this capacity because it's hard to develop that capacity on your own, when you're being stopped at every turn.”_

My head tilted slightly before I turned and crossed the street quickly before I lost the chance when the light changed. I slowed down when I hit the other sidewalk, taking my time as I walked home.

_AA: “Drive around, night time, nowhere to go_   
_Melt me down, I'm like wax to your jokes_   
_Lost and found, knocking heads, laying low_   
_And there's no point reliving crimes to lose this.”_

I watched my reflection in each of the windows I passed, each on different than the last and sometimes distorting my image.

_AA: “Still wanna waste all of my time_   
_I wanna waste all of my time_   
_Still wanna waste all of my time_   
_I wanna waste all of my time_   
_With you.”_

My eyes turned back just in time before I stepped into oncoming traffic. I stumbled to a stop, almost tumbling into the street. My eyes lifted as I stood up and gazed at the street lights.

_AA: “Oh my lover, my lover, my love_   
_We can never go back_   
_We can only do our best to recreate_   
_Don't turn over, turn over the page_   
_We should rip it straight out_   
_Then let's try our very best to fake it.”_

The light changed and I crossed the street turning and towards the street where the hotel I worked at was located. Cutting through a busy market, I pushed through the crowd, everyone oblivious to me despite my bright attire.

_AA: “Show me joy, flower through disarray_   
_Let's destroy, each mistake that we made_   
_Then restore color back to the grey_   
_There's no pride in sharing scars to prove it.”_

When I finally reached the other exit I weaved through the towering, spiraling parking garage.

_AA: “Still wanna waste all of my time_   
_I wanna waste all of my time_   
_Still wanna waste all of my time_   
_I wanna waste all of my time_   
_With you.”_

I looked out across the city, feeling the breeze curl around me like a gentle hug before finally finding the exit out onto the street.

_AA: “Oh my lover, my lover, my love_   
_We can never go back_   
_We can only do our best to recreate_   
_Don't turn over, turn over the page_   
_We should rip it straight out_   
_Then let's try our very best to fake it.”_

I finally reached the hotel and walked around to the back, climbing the wall surround the pool easily. I looked around to make sure no one was here. Even if I did get caught I wouldn’t get fired. I untied my jacket from my waist and began to slip off all my clothing except the swimsuit I wore today. Carefully, I pulled the pompom clips out of my hair and took out my braids, dropping the ribbons around my feet.

_AA: “Help me turn a blind eye_   
_Days and nights we lost to weakness_   
_Help me turn a blind eye_   
_Days and nights we lost to weakness.”_

I stood at the edge of the pool, my toes wiggling anxiously before I dove into the crystal clear water. When I surfaced I floated on my back, feeling like I was levitating.

_AA: “Oh my lover, my lover, my love_   
_We can never go back_   
_We can only do our best to recreate_   
_So, don't turn over, turn over the page_   
_We should rip it straight out_   
_Then let's do our very best to fake it!”_

I heard a thump and I stood up to see Jade watching me from the glass windows. She slowly walked out and sat down on a chair next to the pool edge.

_AA: “Oh my lover, my lover, my love_   
_We can never go back_   
_We can only do our best to recreate!”_

I reached my hand out, watching as Jade stood up and took it. I smiled up at her softly before pulling her into the water with an easy tug on my arm. A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as Jade swam to the surface, her ears flat against her head as she stared at me like a mother would when scolding her child.

_AA: Don't turn over, turn over the page_   
_We should rip it straight out_   
_Then let's do our very best to fake it.”_

I wasn’t sure if this was repairing things, but it was a start. That I was absolutely sure of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't have a lot of text or dialogue but I promise the next chapter has A BUNCH of that to make up for it and then some. I'm going to work on this as soon as possible but now that school has started I'm pretty busy. I've also started other projects which I may or may not upload here but here is a hint anyways: Jungmo. (Jungyeon X Momo from Twice.)  
> \- AB


	12. //Jade//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My, how biased we are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next installment of this train wreck is here. Frankly I hate Homestuck but I'm determined to finish this so I'm in the lesser well known tenth circle of hell.

//Chapter 10 : Jade//  
[You Don’t Know: Katelyn Tarver, You’re Gonna Be Okay: Jenn and Brian Johnson, Inner Demons: Julia Brennan, People Help the People: Birdy]

The bright screen of my laptop contrasted greatly with the darkness of the living room behind me. I think it was early in the morning, around 1 or 2, and I was still slaving over my paper due for my psychology class. I had been sitting on this barstool at the kitchen counter for hours causing my legs to go numb and my back hurt. My legs felt like noodles as I stood for the first time in hours and stretched myself out. I yawned and set my laptop down on the coffee table and put my empty coffee cup(s) in the sink and headed to the bedroom. Aradia was already asleep in bed, the sheets kicked off and on the floor. The room was frigid but because Aradia was a rust-blood it had to stay that way or she would burn up.  
I picked the sheets up from off the floor and folded them up before laying them on a chest against the wall. I opened the dresser and pulled out a change of clothes. I settled on an oversized blue and green v-neck knitted sweater over a pair of soft pink sleep shorts. I slipped out of the room and shuffled into the kitchen. I made a cup of tea and sat down on the couch to watch ridiculous sci-fi movies. I sat soaking up the warmth of the coffee mug curled up against the pillows. Placing my laptop on my lap, the heat from it soaked into my legs and making them warm.  
I continued to write my paper, a constant nagging tugging at my stomach and making me feel sick. It wasn't sick like I would throw up but the way your stomach gets all jittery on your first day of school. Stopping, I stared at the screen for a long moment, the bright white light making my eyes water in the dark. Was this really right? I tapped my fingers against the keys lightly before continuing quietly. After another hour or so I finally finished, touching up the citations page and making sure the APA formatting looked clean. I held my breath as I hit the enter key, watching my paper upload to my teacher.  
What have I done? I closed my laptop and wrapped myself in blankets feeling like a complete hypocrite. I listened to NCIS that had been playing all day in the background as my eyes got heavy with exhaustion. Just as I felt myself beginning to doze off until my phone went off and woke me up. I fished for it under the blankets until I found it and picked up.

"Hello?" I rubbed my eyes with my hands.

"Is this Miss Jade English?" A kind male voice asked.

"Yes, this is." I mumbled half asleep.

"Hi, this is Nurse Vagabond from Skaia Grace. We have a Miss Rose Lalonde here and you are listed as her emergency contact. How soon can you come down to the hospital?"

I sat in silence. If my mind could be a sound it would be a dial tone, maybe even static, or, better yet, white noise.

"Is it back?" I asked.

Silence then, "Ma'am we'll explain everything when you get here."

I swallowed and looked at the door to the bedroom. “I'm on my way.”

I stumbled off the couch and into the bathroom. I attempted to finger-comb my hair. It was in messy curls so I settled on throwing my hair into messy braids, small curls from my bangs framing my face. I rushed out and grabbed my slightly-too-big yellow sweater that was long enough to reach my knees. I snatched my phone off the couch and wallet off the counter before rushing out the door as I pulled on a pair of converse, not bothering to tie the laces but instead just tuck them in sloppily. I ran as fast as I could to the hospital. When I arrived I was panting and sweating.

“Rose Lalonde,” I gasped between breaths. “Please.”

The nurse nodded and led me to the room where Rose was being kept. The blonde was laying in her bed, her eyes locked on something at the end of the room, though I was sure her mind was off somewhere else. Her nail polished was chipped, no signature black lipstick, her skin was pale, and her hair was unkempt. To put it simply… she looked like shit. Thanking the nurse I pulled a chair up next to Rose’s bed, my hand taking hers. She didn’t even flinch and I feared that she was lost inside of herself. As we stayed that way I felt myself dozing off every so often, laying my head on my arms and watching Rose’s stoic features before drifting off to sleep for a few minutes at a time.  
When I wasn’t sleeping I was thinking about my paper. It had to be around three or four am by now, and if I emailed my professor now I still wouldn’t have enough time to write a complete essay on a whole other topic, let alone study it and find sound sources. Guilt weighed against my gut making me feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t know what I could do, that paper was worth 40% of my grade and my teacher wasn’t lenient with extensions on assignments. Attempting to turn off all of my intrusive thoughts I turned my attention back to Rose who was still staring at the wall.  
To fill the silence besides the beeping of her heart monitor I turned on the TV and let the NCIS marathon continue as I stayed beside Rose. It wasn’t my business to pry into her business, to snoop into her emotions. I was worried about her, but I knew to keep my mouth shut until she was ready to share, if at all. It wasn’t until about 4 am when another nurse walked in that Rose finally shifted around. The nurse was a male, his skin tanned and a fluffy, slightly scruffy, beard complimented his features. A grey turban was wrapped around his head and the ends of the scarf were looped around his neck like a warm shawl.  
The beginnings of smile lines and crow’s feet setting into his middle eastern skin reminded me of Parcel Mistress and I felt they would get along very well. When he shook my hand his grip was firm but still kind somehow, if that’s even possible.

“I’m Nurse Vagabond,” he smiled for a moment before flipping through the clipboard in his hands, clearing his throat quietly. “We took a look at your mammogram and after consulting with the Chief of General Surgery we have agreed that there is a tumor in your left breast and the beginnings of a second in your right, both breasts are cancer positive. However, to be sure I’d like to do an ultrasound,” his eyes flickered over to me before returning to Rose, “If you are comfortable with that.”

Rose just stared for a moment before a quiet “Of course,” finally left her mouth.

An ultrasound machine was wheeled in, my gaze lowering as Rose untied the front of her hospital gown and allowed Nurse Vagabond to apply the gel to her chest, noting that it might be cold. The room fell silent as he pressed the probe against her breast with a gentle touch. When he was done he passed Rose some tissues to clean up and cleared the room of the ultrasound machine before consulting quietly with another doctor. The female doctor nodded and disappeared as Nurse Vagabond walked back in and checked all of Rose’s leads.

“Our expert on oncology is coming back in to talk to you,” He stepped back and put his hands into his pockets, “be gentle with her. Dr. Bixby has autism which makes her blunt and she can’t detect sarcasm. Don’t try and touch her or hug her, it will only make her scared,” he said with a reassuring smile.

An averaged sized woman stood in the door. While she didn’t look rather old, faint creases were forming on her skin. Her dark brown hair had hints of red and auburn and her fingers played with the lapel of her lab coat. She stepped up to Rose and took the stethoscope off from around her neck, listening to Rose’s heart as she spoke.

“My name is Dr. Emery Bixby, Head of Oncologic Surgery. I’ll be working closely with Dr. Reese O’Shea, our Head of Plastics. You have a grade two tumor in your left breast and a grade one forming in your right. Luckily the edges are rather clean thus we can perform a partial mastectomy.”

The doctor began to go through the procedure in depth but I couldn’t pay attention. When she was done she said someone would come by a prep her for surgery. Then she simply said “Okay, bye,” before leaving.

Nurse Vagabond only stayed a moment longer, discussing prep for the surgery and that Rose shouldn’t eat for 24 hours before the operation. It was routine information and, when he was done, he turned and left, the door shutting almost noiselessly behind him. Without warning Rose broke down into a series of messy tears, her face turning red and her hands balling up into tight fists causing her knuckles to turn white.

“Oh Rose…” my voice was a whisper as I felt my throat get tight. “I’m so-“

“Don’t.” Her voice was a serrated knife slicing through my sentence.

Her head slowly raised, her eyes were puffy and red and she looked miserable as she tried to breath steadily.

_TT: “I know you've got the best intentions_   
_Just trying to find the right words to say_   
_I promise I already learned my lesson_   
_But right now, I want to be not okay.”_

When I opened my mouth again she silenced me with a glare, her irises looking like sharpened, polished amethyst.

_TT: “I'm so tired, sitting here waiting_   
_If I hear one more just be patient_   
_It's always gonna stay the same.”_

She sounded tired and her shoulders sagged and I realized that one tumor was one thing, but two in a row was enough to drive anyone out of their wits.

_TT: “So, let me just give up_   
_So, let me just let go_   
_If this isn't good for me, well I don't wanna know_   
_Let me just stop trying_   
_Let me just stop fighting_   
_I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright_   
_You don't know what it's like_   
_You don't know what it's like.”_

She swallowed and tucked strands of hair behind her ears with unsteady fingers. Her skin was dry with salt crusted over her cheeks and cracking as her skin moved under it with every word she sang.

_TT: “Can't stop these feet from sinking_   
_And it's starting to show on me_   
_You're staring while I'm blinking_   
_But just don't tell me what you see.”_

She leaned back into her pillow, her hands pulling at her hair out of anger and she looked at me with such a look of pitiful exasperation I felt my heart break.

_TT: “I'm so over all this bad luck_   
_Hearing one more keep your head up_   
_Is it ever gonna change?”_

She turned away from me and played with her leads to try and distract herself from the truth. I could tell Rose just wanted to burst at the seams, the temptation to spew her desires was too much for her to bear under the unusual circumstances.

_TT: “So, let me just give up_   
_So, let me just let go_   
_If this isn't good for me, well I don't wanna know_   
_Let me just stop trying_   
_Let me just stop fighting_   
_I don't want your good advice, or reasons why I'm alright_   
_You don't know what it's like_   
_You don't know what it's like.”_

She took my hand and what started as a gentle squeeze turned into a stone like grip on my hand which made my fingers feel like they were being crushed under my skin. Her eyes bore into mine with such an intensity I almost couldn’t recognize Rose.

_TT: “Don't look at me like that_   
_Just like you understand_   
_Don't try to pull me back.”_

Her hand dropped mine and her head slowly turned away but her eyes stayed on me as long as they could, a slightly threatening look falling away to one of complete and utter desperation.

_TT: “Let me just give up_   
_Let me just let go_   
_If this isn't good for me I don't wanna know_   
_Let me just stop trying_   
_Let me just stop fighting_   
_I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright_   
_You don't know what it's like_   
_You don't know what it's like.”_

Her voice fell into its familiar powerful and bold tone only Rose had. Her voice rising and then falling away at the very end, as if she had lost all energy to continue. From the look on her face it was easy to tell that she was done and she had given up.

_TT: “You don't know_   
_You don't know_   
_You don't know_   
_You don't know what it's like_   
_You don't know what it's like_   
_You don't know_   
_You don't know_   
_You don't know what it's like_   
_You don't know what it's like.”_

I didn’t know what to do but after a long silence I knew Rose had fallen asleep. Edging out of the room wordlessly I snuck into the hall. I didn’t know who to talk to because Lord knows I couldn’t tell Roxy and Aradia was anything by sympathetic. I could’ve told Dave but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut even if he tried and he lacked a certain tact in these types of situations. Strolling through the hospital was supposed to help clear my mind because walking usually did. Room after room after room passed me by as I walked until I saw a familiar face in one.  
The doorway was the only place I felt welcomed as I stared into the room. It was dimly lit and a small troll was sitting upright in bed with a fluffy mass at her feet. I decided it was a black German shepherd that accompanied the person. Their long black hair was neater than the last time I saw them, brushed and tied back loosely in a messy side pony tail. Their hospital gown was exchanged for a Skaia Uni sweatshirt that was definitely two sizes too big because it looked like a dress that swallowed the small figure.  
Sunglasses now sat on their nose which was new, but these were unique since one lens was popped out and I knew it was because the darkened lens covered the eye where the iris had been torn away. The dog lifted its head and growled at me causing the figure to look at me.

“Heel, Magi. What do you want, Jade?” her voice was sharp and poisoned with anger.

“Vriska,” I said as calmly as I could. “I think…,” I swallowed stiffly, “I think Rose wants to request a Do Not Resuscitate order.”

She just looked at me with a bored expression. “What does that have to do with me?” She fully turned to face me and I forced myself not to look at the stump where her arm used to be. “She’s a big girl. She can make her own decisions.” She snapped at me.

Flinching lightly, I tried to calm myself down as the blue-blood continued. “She doesn’t need you fucking babysitting her. God, Jade. Stop trying to be her mother when she doesn’t fucking want one. You’re trying to force yourself into people’s lives who, news flash, don’t fucking want you. You aren’t a fucking god who can save everyone, Jade. You aren’t shit. You are a nobody who showed up from out of nowhere and is getting involved in affairs that aren’t yours to be involved in. What? You think you can change her mind and everything will be all sunshine? It’s not like that, Jade. Wake up and smell the reality you liv e in. This isn’t some fucking bullshit musical you can sing and dance through and everything magically turns out alright. This is real fucking life and guess what? Shit happens whether you like it or not so fuck off.”

I couldn’t stop myself from scoffing. “You are such a goddamn hypocrite, Vriska.” My words came out as daggers.

She stared at me with wide eyes, “Excuse me?”

“You are a fucking hypocrite.” I said marching up to her bed. “You try to act like you don’t even care about her!”

“That’s because I don’t care about her!” Vriska’s voice rose. “You’re not any better than any of us! Think about what you did to Aradia. You are using her and manipulating her!”

“I am not!”

“Jegus! At least Rose and I know we’re mean! You try and act so innocent!” Vriska screamed.

“It’s not my fault I’m like this!” I defended.

“WHAT?!” Vriska looked at me as if I had said the most offensive thing. “That’s the problem with people like you. You can’t handle being confronted. You think you can get away with being a toxic piece of shit and when pushed into a corner you’ll turn the blame onto someone else. Like Aradia, for example. You hurt her and she still won’t leave you. Why is that, Jade? I’ll tell you why! IT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE A MEAN GIRL! YOU’RE A BITCH!”

I grinded my teeth together. I couldn’t stop myself, my hand shot out and struck Vriska across the cheek hard making her head snap to the side. Vriska smirked and turned to look up at me, satisfaction painted on her features.

“And you call me a hypocrite? You know what? I’ll talk to Rose because she deserves better than you.” Vriska spat, every syllable soaked in acid.

She stood up and her dog leapt off her bed to be at her right side, letting her take hold of its harness before walking down the halls to Rose’s room. I trailed behind her, absolutely fuming inside. When we arrived she spun around and glared at me.

“Sit and stay.” She ordered.

“Excuse me?”

“If you’re going to act like a bitch I’m going to treat you like one.” That’s all she said before whipping back around and stalking into Rose’s room and up to her bed.

The troll sat by the blonde’s feet letting her dog leap up onto the bed beside her and stroking his head slowly. Rose just stared.

“A service dog?” She asked.

Vriska nodded, “His name is Magic Eight Ball but I just call him Magi.” Her demeanor changed as she spoke to Rose.

“Did Jade send you?” Rose asked, her eyes narrowing.

“I came on my own accord.” Vriska informed Rose.

Rose looked like she wanted to say something but instead she allowed herself to stay silent as Vriska straightened up and sang in the softest most comforting voice I’ve ever head come from her.

_AG: “I know it's all you've got to just, be strong_   
_And it's a fight just to keep it together, together_   
_I know you think, that you are too far gone_   
_But hope is never lost_   
_Hope is never lost.”_

Rose opened her mouth to protest but Vriska raised a hand and shut her up with a raise of her eyebrow.

_AG: “Hold on, don't let go_   
_Hold on, don't let go.”_

She took the blonde’s hand and held it in her hand before putting it over her stump, letting Rose be the first person to touch the scars.

_AG: “Just take, one step, closer_   
_Put one foot in front of the other_   
_You'll, get through this_   
_Just follow the light in the darkness_   
_You're gonna be ok.”_

Vriska’s left shoulder twitched as Rose’s fingers moved over the scar tissue slowly and delicately, her mouth shut and you can tell her jaw was clamped tightly.

_AG: “I know your heart is heavy from those nights_   
_Just remember that you're a fighter, a fighter_   
_You never know just what tomorrow holds_   
_And you're stronger than you know_   
_Stronger than you know.”_

Her hand stilled Rose’s my resting over it, earning the sick girls full attention as she continued. Both girls looked drastically different without their signature lipstick colors but they also acted dramatically different together than they ever had before.

_AG: “Hold on, don't let go_   
_Hold on, don't let go.”_

The blue-blood squeezed the humans hand and tilted her head slightly as she watched tears slowly roll over Rose’s pale cheeks.

_AG: “Just take, one step, closer_   
_Put one foot in front of the other_   
_You'll, get through this_   
_Just follow the light in the darkness_   
_One step, closer_   
_Put one foot in front of the other_   
_You'll, get through this_   
_Just follow the light in the darkness_   
_You're gonna be ok.”_

Tenderly, Vriska laid down next to Rose with her head on her shoulder and you could tell by the way her stump stretched a little she wanted to put her arm over Rose in comfort but could not with her missing limb.

_AG: “And when the night, is closing in_   
_Don't give up and don't give in_   
_This won't last, it's not the end, it's not the end_   
_You're gonna be ok_   
_When the night, is closing in_   
_Don't give up and don't give in_   
_This won't last, it's not the end, it's not the end_   
_You're gonna be ok.”_

Rose broke down again and through all her sobs you could hear Magic Eight Ball whine quietly, his head on her knees. Vriska looked at me and mouthed go sternly and I could feel her gaze burning into my back as I walked away. I found myself in the waiting room, deciding to wait for Rose until after her surgery, not matter how long it took. I watched families come and go and doctors greet them and deliver news in hushed voices. I didn’t know what to do during this time. I flipped through some magazines and read some trashy scandals and some decorating tips for your home office. It was just fluff to pass the hours.  
After a while my phone started going off hysterically. I turned it over and noticed the twenty messages from Roxy. Instead of opening them I put the conversation on “Do Not Disturb” and sent a text to a few people like Kanaya and my professor because I felt like I would most likely miss my morning seminar. I caught a glimpse of Vriska at one point and she just nodded at me as if to signal Rose was taken to the OR. My back turned to her in stubbornness and I could imagine her huffing before walking away.  
My gaze shifted around the room, looking at all the people praying and crying and I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I decided to pray too.

_GG: “They say don't let them in…”_

I shut my eyes and folded my hands together, leaning into them for support.

_GG: “Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again_   
_When I'm all alone, they show up on their own_   
_Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire_   
_Inner demons don't play by the rules_   
_They say "Just push them down, just fight them harder_   
_Why would you give up on it so soon?"”_

My hands fell away and I stood up, pacing restlessly around the room earning a few stares.

_GG: “So angels, angels please just keep on fighting_   
_Angels don't give up on me today_   
_The demons they are there; they keep on fighting_   
_Cause inner demons just won't go away."_

I froze for a second, my eyes drifting to the windows where dawn just started to break through the dark.

_GG: “So angels please, hear my prayer_   
_Life is pain, life’s not fair_   
_So angels please; please stay here_   
_Take the pain; take the fear.”_

I looked around the room and decided I needed to be somewhere else so I took off down the halls.

_GG: “They say it won't be hard; they can't see the battles in my heart_   
_But when I turn away_   
_The demons seem to stay_   
_Cause inner demons don't play well with angels_   
_They cheat and lie and steal and break and bruise_   
_Angels please protect me from these rebels_   
_This is a battle I don't want to lose.”_

I marched to my own beat, my hands pressed over my heart as I hoped my words would reach whatever god is listening. I grabbed a Jell-O cup from the cafeteria before continuing through the halls.

_GG: “So angels, angels please just keep on fighting_   
_Angels don't give up on me today_   
_Cause the demons they are there; they keep on fighting_   
_Cause inner demons just won't go away_

_Angels, angels please keep on fighting_   
_Angels don't give up on me today_   
_Cause the demons; they are there_   
_They keep on fighting_   
_Inner demons just won't go away.”_

I stopped in front of a chapel built into the hospital before slowly walking into the quiet room and sitting in the empty pews in the back.

_GG: “So angels please, hear my prayer_   
_Life is pain; life's not fair_   
_So angels please; please stay here_   
_Take the pain; take the fear.”_

I ate my Jell-O in silence as I waited for any news they might have, making a point to ignore the messages bombarding my phone and silencing my alarm that was supposed to wake me up. It remained that way for a long time; just sitting myself in the chapel praying and hoping despite feeling so helpless. Weariness began to greet me like an old friend until a hand tapped on my shoulder. Nurse Vagabond looked down at me with a small smile.

“May I?” He pointed at the open space next to me and I nodded in response, allowing him to sit beside me.

“Is it always this way?” I asked finally.

“What way?” He inquired.

“Full of uncertainty.” I elaborated.

He nodded with a weak smile, “Even the easiest surgeries have uncertainties. It’s okay to be worried about your girlfriend. You seem to care about her a lot and I’m sure she’s thankful.”

I shook my head, “She’s not my girlfriend, hers is on her way though.” I looked off at something I pretended was interesting before I spoke up again. “I don’t think Rose is grateful. I was told I’m a bitch tonight and after thinking about it a lot I’m starting to see why they would think that.”

Vagabond hummed quietly, “We always like to see the good in ourselves. My, how biased we are.” He said nudging me lightly.

I gave him a halfhearted smile. “Maybe so…”

“You should give yourself a little credit. Most people who are told they’re a negative influence would just deny it and carry on with their bad ways. You have thought about it and have seen the truth in the statement. That’s more than you can say for many. Now at least you know and you can do something about it, right? It’s never too late to change.” He said kindly.

“Unless you commit a crime.” I pointed out earning a bout of laughter from the nurse.

“Yes,” he said between laughs, “unless you commit a crime.”

I felt overwhelming thankful for his sympathy and his presence. I don’t know if I could’ve pulled through this alone and now I had to show Rose the same genuine support and compassion. When his pager went off I realized how long it must’ve been.

“Rose is out of surgery. Let’s go see her.” Nurse Vagabond helped me up and led me to her new room on the post-op floor.

The sight of Rose made me swell with sadness. I was thankful, so thankful, she made it through the surgery but she looked so worn out and frail. Oxygen tubes supplied her with extra air due to her previous surgery and her chest was covered in a layer of protective bandages which made a weird bulge under her gown as her chest rose and fell with each breath. I only hoped she was having nice dreams.

“Jade?” I turned at a familiar voice and saw Rose’s jade-blooded girlfriend behind me.

“Kanaya.” I dipped my head in greeting.

“Is Rose in there?” She asked, her voice shaking. Who could blame her for being frantic?

“She is, she’s asleep though. The on call nurse is in there with her too.” I said.

Kanaya just brushed past me and sat beside the bed, holding Rose’s hand in hers and whispering to her. I turned away slowly and leaned against the wall outside her door with relief.

_GG: “God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts_   
_Guess he kissed the girls and made them cry_   
_Those hard-faced queens of misadventure_   
_God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken lives_   
_Fiery throngs of muted angels_   
_Giving love but getting nothing back, oh.”_

I pushed up off the wall and slowly drifted through the halls, feeling everything slow down around me.

_GG: “People help the people_   
_And if you're homesick_   
_give me your hand and I'll hold it_   
_People help the people_   
_And nothing will drag you down_   
_Oh and if I had a brain,_   
_Oh and if I had a brain_   
_I'd be cold as a stone and rich as a fool_   
_That turned all those good hearts away.”_

I found myself on the ER floor heading towards the emergency room where everything started. Pangs of memory came back as I walked past the slow moving people around me.

_GG: “God knows what is hiding in this world of little consequence_   
_Behind the tears, inside the lies_   
_A thousand slowly dying sunsets_   
_God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts_   
_Guess the loneliness came knocking_   
_No one needs to be alone, oh singin'”_

The ER was filled to the brim with traumas. Everywhere around me people were on the move to help anothers and I found my eyes drawn to the sliding doors to the ambulance bay.

_GG: “People help the people_   
_And if you're homesick,_   
_give me your hand and I'll hold it_   
_People help the people_   
_Nothing will drag you down_   
_Oh and if I had a brain,_   
_Oh and if I had a brain_   
_I'd be cold as a stone and rich as a fool_   
_That turned all those good hearts away.”_

Humming to myself, I strode through the crowds of people to the doors which sluggishly parted to reveal a girl slightly taller than myself, her skin spattered in blood and her eyes wide and looking around wildly despite the slow time ebbing by. Her body seemed to droop until it collapsed and I shot forward to catch her, her force causing me to drop to my knees with her in my lap. Time sped up and returned to normal and I screamed for help, nurses rushing to my side to help me but I couldn’t hear them through the ringing in my ears as I started at the unconscious girl in my arms.  
Her hair was a dark brown that was cut in a short angular bob. Her bangs were a pure white and there seemed to be patches of paler skin at the roots when I brushed her bangs aside. I could only wonder what happened to this poor girl who drifted in here alone.

_GG: “People help the people_   
_And if you're homesick,_   
_give me your hand and I'll hold it_   
_People help the people_   
_Nothing will drag you down_   
_Oh and if I had a brain,_   
_Oh and if I had a brain_   
_I'd be cold as a stone and rich as a fool_   
_That turned all those good hearts away...”_

I looked at the nurses as they took her from my arms and I wanted nothing more to follow but instead I sunk lower onto the floor, my head hanging until I felt myself crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very long and I hope it was worth it.  
> -AB

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I will try and update as frequently as I can however between school, theatre, German, and conventions my schedule is tight.  
> I am forewarning you in case there is a period of absence.  
> I have this story planned out start to finish and hopefully you will enjoy it as it progresses. It takes a lot of work to plan out who is singing and when. And it gets really crazy when people jump in halfway through a lyric or something. Yeah. It's tough.  
> However, luckily for you, I am hellbent on finishing this fanfiction. Let's see how this goes then, yeah?  
> \- AB


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